Goodbye South Africa, I'll Miss You (but I won't miss waking up in the middle of the night dreading my imminent murder)

Day 72:  Institute: only worth going to when you go to McDonalds after and ask for super-sized chips (fries), and the manager has to come and swipe a special card, authorizing her permission to super-size us.

Day 73:  Did my interviews and stuff for my project.  Basically my findings are thus: being a man means asking girls out.  Thank you for your insight 12-year-olds.

Day 74:  Hogsback anyone?  Also known as "Little England?"  Also known as "the place where I want to spend the rest of my life?"

Day 75:  Don't worry, but Jackie and I impressed a room full of drunken old strangers with our swing dancing skills.  BYU would be so proud.

Day 76:  So, basically it snowed all over the Eastern Cape.  I know right?!? (and for those of you who don't know, the Eastern Cape is the province where I live in South Africa) (and South Africa is a country, not just a region, for that matter).

Day 77:  Jenna missed her chance for meeting her one true love: South Africa's farmer of the year (who is looking for a wife who doesn't mind living in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sheep and horses.)

Day 78: Tuesdays are boring.  Nothing happens on Tuesdays.  Except for buckets and buckets of rain blessing Africa. 

Day 79:  Institute is awesome when you go and hang out in McDonalds for 2 hrs.  (after class is over, of course)

Day 80:  I'm pretty sure this is the day I finished almost all of my homework.

Day 81:  I saw zebras in the wild.  And giraffes.  And rhinos and antelope.  And lions (inside special fences).  Take that, zoo!  I don't need you, I can see cool animals all by myself.

Day 82:  Family Dinner's are great.  Especially when I don't cook anything.

Day 83:  Jenna's last full day in South Africa.  How do I react?  By getting lost in Southernwood and deleting almost all of my Durban pictures on accident.

Day 84:  Auntie P.: A woman so magnificent that I am perpetually hugging her.

Day 85:  Institute: that special place where I get in trouble for talking and passing notes like I am still in 7th grade.  And did you know you're not supposed to take pictures while in McDonalds? What is with that?  Do they not want the free advertising?  Do they have enough customers or something? (answer: no.  Capitalists never have enough customers.)  I don't understand.

Day 86:  My last practice with the rugby team.  I was accorded the special honor of riding on the scrum machine and being a part of the huddle.

Day 87:  Made Hyrum work for his money.  And by 'work' I mean that we tried our best to embarrass him.  Don't know if it actually worked.

Day 88:  My last full day in South Africa.  Basically I spend the day fighting back buckets of tears and taking pictures of the rottweiler next door.

Day 89:  This is the day I leave on a jet plane, not knowing when I'll be back again.  But I will be back.  Just you wait.

I saw Harry Potter before you did. And I almost met Nelson Mandela. Not to brag or anything.

Day 48:  All I know about this day is that I went to church.  Sorry.

Day 49:  I guess this was a Monday?

Day 50:  Blog apparently not a priority?

Day 51:  Mama Yoyo.  Zamani.  So good.  Love her.  Love that place.  More please?  (This is basically the way I form sentences in isiXhosa and in Afrikaans.)

Day 52:  Planning the trip to Durban consuming my life.  Sit on the internet for hours trying to find housing.

Day 53:  Someone tries to cheat me on housing for Durban.  I wasn’t born yesterday, friends.  I was actually born 21 years and 21 days ago, to be exact.  Nice try.

Day 54:  Ate all the perishable foods I owned. 

Day 55:  So are we going to Durban tomorrow?  No?  Oh, good.  Because we didn’t have a place to stay. 

Day 56:  Happy Birthday America.  May the irony of “every heart beats true ‘neath the red, white, and blue, where there’s never a boast or brag,” never be lost on you.

Day 57:  Sometimes, when you wake up when it is dark outside and your yard is completely flooded, all you can do is listen to that song from Winnie the Pooh about the rain rain rain coming down down down and pray that someone will find the message you put in that bottle.  Oh, and both of the major malls in East London flooded.  It was awesome (unless you were the insurance company that had to pay out for all the damage).

Day 58:  Despite the fact that I have a journal entry for this day, I can’t remember what I did.  But I think we can all bet that it wasn’t homework, and it probably had something to do with Chinese food and not going to institute because everyone there thought we were in Durban, and it seemed as good an excuse as any.

Day 59:  So cat burglaring is probably not a viable career option for me, as I couldn’t get through the bathroom window of the house where we were staying in Grahamstown.  Let’s all just be thankful that the neighbors didn’t catch me half in/half out of a house that didn’t belong to me.

The house actually belongs to the Thomases daughter Theresa, and she was gone, but she was letting us stay there, but the key was locked inside and we had to sneak in and get it.  And actually, as Kathy and Cornelius pay for the house, I guess we weren’t trespassing at all.  It’s technically their house.  However, I like pretending that we squatters.  Hence the fine print.

Day 60:  The National Arts Festival is awesome.  If you like to buy things, and be disappointed because all the tickets for Lady Smith Black Mambazo were sold out.

Day 61:  Has it ever occurred to you to be thankful that you don’t have to sleep with your jeans and sweaters and coat over your pajamas?  Well you should, because it sucks.  I never thought of East London as a warm place until I came back from Grahamstown and I didn’t have to sleep in my jeans and sweaters and coat.

Day 62:  Church?  Again?!  I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

Day 63:  We actually go to Durban this time.  We stop in Ixopo on the way.  Wish granted.

Day 64:  Let me just say this: I don’t think I could ever date and/or marry someone from South Africa.  I’m sorry.

Day 65:  Did we go to Moses Mabhida Stadium 8,000 times in the last two days?  Yes, we did.  You’d think it was the only thing to do in Durban.  Aside from going to see Harry Potter.  Two days before you suckers back in America. 

Day 66:  We almost met Nelson Mandela. 

Day 67:  I learned how to cook South African foods.  I will wow you with them when I get home.  Just you wait.

Day 68:  I read in the sun all day.  Just ask Thuveshni.

Day 69:  I slept for a long long time.

Day 70:  Don’t worry, but I accomplished a lot.  I may actually finish most of my course work.

Day 71:  Do you know what I find amazing?  That I didn’t have anything written in this blog for the past 23 days, and I still remembered what I did almost every day.  My memory is pretty kick-a.

Facts, Universally Acknowledged

Day 35:  Rugby? Nope. 

Day 36: 

Day 37:  I met three little girls at a rugby match.  When they found out I wasn’t married and I didn’t have a boyfriend, they were shocked.  They said I was very nice and pretty.  I told them to tell the boys that.  On another note, Institute is way more fun when you sit by Mechaeler Horner.  Mostly because when everyone else is delving into deep [possibly false] doctrine, you and Mechaeler are playing with her baby cousin. 

Day 38:  Went to King William’s Town to eat dinner with the missionaries and sleep, and wake up the next day to see the King sites.  The best part was that I was awoken in the middle of the night in a strange place with the wind howling and rain pounding by some man trying to turn on the light of my bedroom (which didn’t work).  Yup.  I got no sleep that night.  (But don’t worry, the man actually lived at that house, he was looking for a key to something and didn’t know that I was there.  Of course, why I had to find out about this in the morning and not immediately after being terrified, I don’t know.)

Day 39:  Did I get to meet the sister of one of South Africa’s most famous anti-apartheid leaders, Bantu Steve Biko?  Why, yes.  Yes I did.  Be jealous.

Day 40:  I went to the grocery store intending to buy food.  I came out with a large bunch of spinach and four boxes of biscuits (cookies).

Day 41:  Sandal tan is coming along nicely, for it being winter and all.

Day 42:  You know what is the best?  Getting invited to a birthday party when you have never met the birthday-haver or any of the guests except your roommate.  You know what is the worst?  Actually going to said birthday party.

Day 43:  Here is how you become best friends with the amaXhosa: Step 1) say, “Nditheta isiXhosa kancinci.”  Step 2) before they have a chance to speak say, “Hayi!  Ndiyaxoka!”  (Translation: I speak a little Xhosa. *Pause* No!  I’m telling lies!)  Then they say “Tshini!” and everybody high-fives.

Day 44:  It is a fact, universally acknowledged, that no matter where you are in the world, Chinese food is often the only food worth eating*.

*Except in China. 

Day 45:  Dear family, I’m glad we’re family.  Mostly because you gave me SNL Presidential Bash 2000 and the sense of humor to enjoy it.  Love, Heather

Day 46:  I might have had the number one fish and chips in the world (minus the chips—not number one).  Be jealous. 

Day 47:  Woke up in the middle of the night and realized I am halfway through my stay and I have done about 1/8^th of my homework.  Spent the entire day doing homework.  

I Live in Perpetual Winter

Day 17: INTERNET FOREVER!!!!

Day 18: This was the coldest day of my life. I am not kidding. Not only was it freezing, but also the power went out, so I couldn’t do anything to get warm except wear all of my warmest clothes and snuggle under blankets. And as anyone who has been to East London knows, this is not very effective.

Day 19: Saw Beastly today. And it was just that. Beastly.

Day 20: Lunch with the Thomases and dinner with the Wainwrights, you say? Eat human food? Yes, please.

P.S. The Wainwrights are the greatest people in the world. We love them.

Day 21: The rugby kids are the cutest kids in the entire world. The end.

Day 22: Jackie arrives. Finally.

Day 23: Stop by the Curry Palace and run into Brother Maseti. Kindred spirits?

Day 24: I could do my Afrikaans homework…or I could go to the mall… Are you sure I’m in South Africa, because this sounds exactly like my daily dilemma back home.

Day 25: The library is on Gladstone. Let me repeat that in American, English, and South African accents. Oh, you still can’t remember even though I told you five times already? GLADSTONE!

Day 26: Why yes James McAvoy, I would love to marry you. And Magneto. Oh, and throw in Kevin Bacon speaking German, if it’s not too much trouble. And the entire male cast, for good measure.

Day 27: I spent a whole Sunday working on my Relief Society talents. And by that I mean sewing things and whatnot.

Day 28: Don’t worry, but I watched five hours of youth rugby, panicked because I thought I got left behind on the other side of the river after dark, and then hosted a taco party when I got home, with real American tacos.

Day 29: Dear rain and cold, thank you for allowing me to stay home all day. Love, Heather.

Day 30: Do I have to go eat dinner with a stranger because my roommate isn’t allowed to eat with him alone? Oh, what’s that you say? He’s paying? Sign me up!

Day 31: I made an apple pie from scratch (yes, even the crust), and it was delicious. And no one has died from food poisoning yet. I call that a resounding success.

Day 32: I’m 21 Imma do what I want. And that’s going to see X-Men again.

Day 33: Nothing like a sunny day, a clean bathroom, hanging up the wash, clean flannel sheets, clipped toenails, and Lord of the Rings to improve ones mood.

Day 34: Bishop said “dammit” during his fireside talk. The only person who thought this was odd was me. Does that mean that that’s not swearing here? Does that mean I can say “dammit” as much as I want to from now on? I think so…

Guess who's back... back again...

Day 0: London—major letdown when I discovered that everyone there is a muggle.

Day 1: Yup. Pretty sure I just got home from an extended vacation to Utah.

Day 2: Institute: everyone thinks I have big shoes to fill, as I am the first facilitator since the legendary Macrae McDermott. I have news for you all: Macrae and I wear the same size shoes. Just sayin’…

Day 3: Heather: 1 Fridge Mold: 0.

Day 4: Dear Derek van Dam, I think your accent is an accurate projection of what my accent will be like in 3 months. I love to feel this close to you. Love, Heather

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LucKR4OcFuA

(also, this was the best example I could find. Trust me when I say that watching the weather is the best part of my day)

Day 5: Jenna arrives. Unfortunately Jenna, the highlight of my day was the rugby derby at Selborne College. Sorry.



Just kidding Jenna. I love you.

Day 6: One of the young women spoke in Sacrament Meeting about modesty. Jenna and I immediately pulled the hems of our skirts down past our ankles in shame. And to top it off another speaker spoke about the evils of swearing. Oh @&*#. Damned for sure.

Day 7: Cell phone! Cell phone! Cell phone! My many thanks to Mechaelar Horner for her help in getting me a cell phone and for catching me up on all the gossip. Have I got a lot to tell you Macrae! Oh, and Jenna and I went to town and we were the only white people there.

Day 8: Jenna and I go on a mission to Hemingways Mall to find a converter. Not only did we find the converter, but we also found all the white people in East London.

Day 9: Dear Jenna,
Don’t be scared.
Love,
Kathy, Cornelius, Heather and South Africa

Day 10: Spent the day at home in bed. I don’t know why though.

Day 11: Have any of you heard of Mango Atcha? Well, let me warn you—it is the most foul thing I have ever put in my mouth. And I have eaten some pretty awful things in my time (the Wheel of Vomit cocktail of hotdogs, salsa, and sprite comes immediately to mind). Dear YSA’s: consider trust broken. Forever.

Day 12: I love to hang laundry. Also, it reminds me of The Fiddler on the Roof. I think there is a connection there.

Day 13: I’m fairly certain I yawned 5,000,000 times. Sometimes I would get a yawning jag that lasted a few minutes. I’m glad to see that last year wasn’t a fluke. I really am just tired ALL THE TIME. There is really nothing I can do about it. I am sorry I appear so bored with you, East London.

Day 14: I’m pretty sure I picked the project of the year. I get to sleep in and watch rugby all day. What more could you ask for?

Day 15: Ate a sandwich made on bread that contains seeds ‘n things. Either I am finally starting to eat right, or I enjoy being pretentious. I think it’s the latter.

Day 16: Had one of those days where you feel like you are destined to write The Next Great American Novel, but all you really accomplish is drinking four glasses of hot chocolate and managing not to fall asleep during institute.