Tuesday, August 3, 2010

That's all folks

Day 55: Finally finished the literature review for RSS. It certainly took me far too long. The actual writing took me an hour or so. I could have done all that work in two days, but don’t worry. It took me a month.

Day 56: Retreat! Fall back to the keep! (just a LOTR reference, to start things off.) Went to Gonubie for our group retreat. We went to the beach. It was absolutely beautiful, and that is saying something, because I’ve been to many a beach in Fiji, which has the most beautiful beaches in the world, and this one in Gonubie held its own pretty well. Then we played M.A.S.H.P.T. (mansion, apartment, shack, house, pyramid, trailer park) with the boys. Don’t worry, Brett and I are getting married, and we will live in a pyramid in Provo. Brett will be a Buy More supervisor, and I will be a homemaker. Brett will die because of fire swallowing. Macrae will be marrying Robert Downey Jr. She contributes to society by being a construction guy, and her husband is a librarian. Together their income per annum is whatever they steal from beggars. Macrae and Robert Downey Jr. were blessed with a string of septuplets (connected hand to foot). Macrae meets her end by being stressed out by Brandon. When Brandon is not annoying Macrae to death, he is getting married to Jennifer Lopez, but then they get divorced, and Brandon then marries Cecil’s wife (as in the wife of Cecil Samuelson, the president of BYU). They honeymoon in the MTC—Provo. Everyday Brandon drives a parade to work, where he makes beaded belts, and he makes an annual income of 10,000 high fives and one long hug per year. Somehow this salary pays for his mansion in Mississippi. Rebecka’s future looks bright. First, she marries someone whose name I cannot publish on the internet, for his own protection and decorum (and if we will name Cecil’s wife, you know this has got to be good). The happy couple live on happiness in their mansion in the bayou, where they raise an average of 2.4 kids. Yours truly is happily married to Legolas, of the woodland realm, but then he dies, so I marry Homer Simpson instead. I work as an anti-feminist activist, and my husband is a mime. My super power is having ultimate spin the bottle control. My family has a pet dinosaur, and we live in Brett’s basement. I die in a blaze of glory.
So you see that we had a really productive retreat.

Day 60: We all went to see Eclipse. I am too tired to regale you all with how much I dislike that franchise. Suffice it to say that the saving grace of that movie is the soundtrack. Darn you MTV.

Day 61: Institute, once again. Let me tell you what happened: it was the same as every institute.

Day 62: Nothing memorable happening.

Day 63: Had an excellent interview. Went to Pia’s netball game. If you don’t know what netball is, let me explain: it’s like basketballs ridiculous younger cousin, except not in a derogatory way. And Pia played really well. Then we went to a ward activity about genealogy. You might be thinking, “wow, what a huge ball of boring.” This kind of thinking offends me, as I used to be a genealogy major. Anyway, it really was fun, and I don’t think I am the only one when I say that it was the best ward activity ever. Little Ben Krulle sat in a chair the center of the cultural hall (as it was his birthday) and then he had to pick someone from the ward to be his dad (except it couldn’t be his real dad). He picked Gerhard. Gerhard then had to pick a dad. He picked Jarom Wainwright. Jarom then picked a dad, and so on. Then Ben picked a mom. She then had to pick a dad who picked a dad and so on. Then Jarom had to pick a wife (except not his actual wife, the lovely Lauren). He chose little Jenny Krulle. When she was chosen the first thing she said was, “I can’t believe he picked a little kid to be his wife!” (Which was adorable, and not creepy.) Then she turned to Gerhard and said, “Hello, son!” (Which was also adorable.) Jenny then picked a dad who picked a dad and so on. Eventually Jenny’s ‘dad’ picked a wife, which was me. Which makes Jenny my daughter, and Jarom my grandson. Then Jarom’s real life wife turned out to be my mother. Eventually everyone had a mother and father. Then we had Ben turn around, and lo and behold, we made a complete pedigree chart. Which I think brings the idea of a ward family to a whole new level. Then Ben’s whole family sang “Happy Birthday” to him.

Day 64: YSA sports day. Like one would imagine, I spent the entire YSA activity playing with seven year olds.

Day 65: During Sacrament Meeting Ben Krulle and his little brother Daniel were doing handstands. Then Brother Krulle picked up Ben by his ankles, swung him around, and carried him out of the chapel. Daniel went running after them with tears in his eyes, sobbing, “I love you, Ben!”
Had dinner at the Wainwright’s. It was beautifully normal. We talked about The Osmonds, while Nathanael, who is eight, gave everyone shoulder massages.

Day 66: Macrae and I went to get Chinese, but the restaurant was closed, so instead we walked to Bunker’s Hill, for absolutely no reason. The day was not wasted though. I finally got Asian Bingo.

Day 67: Group meeting. Boring.

Day 68: Found out that Thuveshni (the artist formerly known as Divishny) actually spells her name Thuveshny. Who knew?

Day 69: Illness.

Day 70: Had an interview that went really well. Then we went to a dance with all the adults in the three East London wards. It was awesome, until they stopped playing oldies. Bishop turned on some pop music, which was when the ‘dirty dancing’ cam out (well, as dirty as you can get with the lights on). I find it amusing that everything was the perfect picture of appropriate, until the Bishop took over.

Day 71: I finally get to go to a rugby game. It turns out that all the learners in high school are required to go to rugby games, and they have to wear their uniforms. On Saturday. God bless America.

Day 75: Had dinner with Sister Leslie and the missionaries. While preparing the meal, Macrae and I sang “Henry the 8th” really loudly and really poorly. I think Elder Fozard (from England) was a little offended by our wonderful accents.

Day 77: Got Chinese. So happy.

Day 78: Saw Inception at Hemingways.

Day 79: Church. Finally got Daniel Krulle to be my friend. It only took three months.

Day 80: Washed dishes at Zamani. Then I took a nap, and Mama Yoyo said I was a like a little baby, because I sleep so much. To which I reply, “yes.” Then we cooked dinner for the Thomases. I was in charge of boiling potatoes. Probably because I can’t do anything else.

Predictions for the rest of my stay in East London

Day 82: Went to the Lion Park. I was eaten by a lion.

Day 83: Went to Aunty P’s. She fed us.

Day 84: Went on a tour of East London with the kids from Zamani. I was trampled to death by little kids.

Day 85: Went to Hogsback. Fell off a cliff while hiking.

Day 86: Last Sunday. Ate at Bobby and Zhona’s house. I still don’t know their last name.

Day 87: All of my flights are delayed. Also, I think I lost count of my days somewhere. Because this should be day 88.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Star date 2843

Day 42: Interviewed Lisa van Tonder today. This was my first interview of my research project. Don’t worry, it still counts as part of the first half of my stay here, I haven’t completely wasted my time.
Also, I recently discovered that I am a snob. I just think all boys/all girls schools are better than coed schools. And I have a tendency to judge people on the criteria of what type of school attended.

Day 43: Cornelius called me Heather Williams [emphasis his own], for the 490th time today. It’s okay. I still love it. He never says Rebecka’s full name (with emphasis on her surname), but I think it is because he can’t pronounce Rönndahl.

Day 44: Springbok game in East London. But do I get to go? No. Silly BYU, my lack of funds, and East London stadium being sold out. The world is working against me. Took a two hour bath to drown my sorrows, then I caught the second half of the game replay on T.V. Also, I am going to marry MornéSteyn, the flyhalf for the Super 14 team the Blou Bulls, as well as the Springboks. He has a rather unfortunate haircut, but I think I can get past that, because his name is Morné, and my middle name is Marné. Then we could be Morné and Marné, and that would be special.
Victory of the Day: I cleaned today. And I walked around with wet feet from my bath, and they didn’t even get all linty.
Defeat of the Day: The U.S. of A let me down. Freaking Ghana.

Day 45: Hump day! How did we celebrate, you ask? Why, we watched three movies! Zoolander, A Goofy Movie, and Chuch (which I guess isn’t really a movie, but as it was the last two episodes we have, I think it counts). Realization #1: A Goofy Movie brings out a lot of sad, sad emotions for me. Realization #2: I only have six weeks to read three books, write two papers, and finish my research project.

Day 46:Toy Story 3: Need I Say Anything More?

Day 47: Bad day. Wrote in journal. Ate cookies.

Day 49: Happy Birthday Jessica! See, I didn’t forget. Also, I went to the National Arts Festival in Grahamstown to celebrate, and then I got you a present. So quit whining.
Other adventures in Grahamstown: saw Cornelius and Kathy’s son Jethro perform in Rubber (a deeply disturbing play, but was good nonetheless). Saw Big Boys Don’t Dance, which wasn’t as disturbing. Also it was funny. Realized just how much people drink in Grahamstown. Let’s just say they weren’t exaggerating when they say that Rhodes University consumes the most alcohol in the country.

Day 50: Was I sick? Yes, yes I was. Did I consequently stay home all day? Yes, yes I did. Did I miss Pia’s birthday party? Yes. Was I sad and lonely? Yes, yes I was.

Day 51: Chuch. Still sick. Fasting like a fool. Almost threw up during a baptism. Two things: 1) don’t fast when you are sick. It is just not a good idea. 2) always trust Norwegian fishermen.

Day 52: Unclogged the drain in the bathtub. Brandon came home and told us stories about making out with his best friends little sister. New rule: Brandon is not allowed to tell disturbing stories.


As a point of interest, here are some Xhosa names:

Thandokuhle—you love all goodness.
Zukhanye—You must shine
Lukhanyiso—Light bearer
Sikelela—Bless
Pumelela—Success
Iwazi—Knowledge
Iwandiso—bring unto this fold/increase
Mandisa—bring harmony, peace, joy, love and all goodness
Bongojalo—keep on praising God
Wanda—growth
Alupheli—God’s love never fades
Utluru—Freedom
Unam—God’s with us
Khanyisile—He has made it shine
Sinovuyo—We are happy
Nambitha—Caress/kindle
Nobubele—a giving hand
Zoliswa—to humble
Thando—love
Vuyo—happiness
Viwe—heard

Friday, June 25, 2010

And so it begins...

Day 16: Macrae, Rebecka, and I performed an original interpretive dance at the Stake Talent Show. We got in touch with our Native American sides and interpreted the song, “Colors of the Wind,” from Pocahontas. The people in the stake didn’t know quite what to do with us, which is understandable, as everyone else who performed is actually talented, and we thought we were at Springville High. Also, a significant portion of the audience though we had actually rehearsed our routine, rather than making it up on the spot. This is particularly insulting because if we had rehearsed, we would have at least have come up with a better opening pose.

Day 18: Aired our newly clean laundry.

Day 19: Group meeting: everyone has an awesome project, except Heather, who hasn’t even started hers.

Day 21: Went to a cleansing ceremony. By that I, naturally, mean that we attended an event put on by Masimanyane in response to the eight women who were murdered in East London about a month ago, where there was singing, praying, singing, and then 20 minute speeches by everyone who ever lived (including some traditional Xhosa chiefs) which lasted FOREVER, then we went to the cleansing ceremony. Basically the cleansing ceremony is a bunch of church leaders from several different denominations who all make some more speeches, then they throw holy water on the site, and then on anyone who wants to be cleansed, or rather, baptized. Then Macrae and Auntie P made it into the newspaper. Then we ate dinner at the prison.

Day 22: Went to a YSA activity. I played with some married couples baby the whole time, which I think is pretty normal at a YSA activity. Also, it made me miss my niece Kate screaming every time I tried to hold her. Also, Babes taught me how to say “Xhosa” correctly, finally.

Day 23: Learned how to make Cooked Sisters at Auntie P’s house. Basically they are balls of dough fried in oil, and then coated in sugar-water syrup, and then rolled in coconut, which I guess is just a long way of saying that, basically, they are delicious bits of the Celestial Kingdom.

Day 24: In church we learned that Eli, from the book of Samuel, was the worst father of all time and he obviously is solely accountable for his sons’ sins, all children of divorced parents are manipulative, and children who don’t get enough attention from their parents are spoiled (I’ll say, being supervised by loving parents who give you everything you need is the worst thing that could happen to you as a child). I wonder what the teacher would think about my attitude towards her lesson, probably that all children that are the youngest of five have no respect for their elders.

Day 25: Went to meet Lisa van Tonder who works for Rural Support Services. She said I can volunteer at organization this summer, which is yay! Also, it is yay! because Rural Support Services is a lot like HELP International, which I love, and I won’t have to be stuck in an office for the entire summer, and I get to travel all over the Eastern Cape.


Day 26: Went to Queenstown with Lisa. Conclusions from excursion: I get along well with Lisa, and the two hour drive from East London to Queenstown did not seem long at all. And South Africa is absolutely breathtaking. I think Alan Paton said it best when he said that, “[the rolling hills] are lovely beyond any singing of it.”

Day 28: Birthday, or rather the death of my teenage years. As such, Macrae, Rebecka, Brandon and I went to La Terrezza to have a nice funerary send off of said teenage years. Jessica Swensen provided the eulogy, which moved everyone to enormous bouts of sobs. Then the waitress totally killed Brandon.

Day 29: Opening day of the World Cup. We all wore every bit of green and gold we had. I had the most, which means that I love South Africa the most. Cornelius said that if BafanaBafana won, everyone had to take a shot of gin. I think that the Lord didn’t let BafanaBafana win because of this. Well, that and the fact that the ref’s are racist (trust me, Julius Malema would agree that it is obvious).

Day 30: USA! USA! USA! Not only will we score, but also we will embarrass your entire nation while doing it. It is the American way.

Day 31: I finally got to give my talk. Rebecka and Macrae say that my public speaking voice sounds like I will one day be in the General Relief Society Presdency. If their prediction comes true, I do not think things bode well for the future of Relief Society.

Day 32: Putting things together for a lit review. It feels like I have spent my entire existence on the Harold B. Lee Library website.

Day 33: It was raining. I took this as an excuse that I don’t have to do anything. As an added point of interest, I have discovered an excellent outfit to ward off the frigid South African winter nights. Step one: put on butterfly leggings and thermal top. Step two: put on fleece onesie that your sister gave to you for Christmas three years ago. Step three: put on fleece jammie pants that you bought at DI and your mom thinks are hideous. Step four: put on enormous rugby-style shirt and tuck it in to jammie pants. Voilà! You have one attractive and warm outfit.

Day 34: Today is Youth Day. Do not confuse this day as a holiday that celebrates the hi-jinks and shenanigans of youth. That would be Halloween. Youth Day celebrates the Soweto youth that protested the mandatory study of Afrikaans in schools during apartheid. I quite agree with them. I wouldn’t want to learn Afrikaans in school either. It’s ugly.
Also. I have never hated Uruguay more, despite the fact that their captain is lovely.

Day 35: Back to work.

Day 36: More work. Then we all went to a tri-ward unofficial church activity at some family’s farm. There were a lot of people there, but I really only talked to three: Jessica, who is nine, Sister Leslie, who I would place at older than nine, and Wesley, who is in my YSA group. Wesley is of Swiss descent, so we discussed Switzerland’s awesome win over Spain with much vigor.
Also. America would come back from two down for the draw. It’s the American way.

Day 37: Day number two of Church Weekend Extravaganza. We went to a Relief Society activity where we crocheted and knitted squares for blankets. I thought I wanted to learn to knit or crochet, but I was wrong. I forgot that I have tried both of these several times before, and hated them every time I have tried. So Sister Zhona and Pia and I put together Father’s day gifts instead. I wasn’t particularly good at that either. I guess I just don’t have Relief Society Talents. I am just not good at needlework, scrapbooking, cooking, or music. Heaven help the General Relief Society Presidency should I ever serve there. The only thing I would bring to the table is my soothing conference voice.
We also went to YSA Karaoke—Best of the 90’s. Also there was some Afrikaans karaoke, which was hilarious.

Day 38: Church. I spent most of my time eating breakfast during Sacrament Meeting (I highly recommend Cadbury’s Local and Lekker: Ouma’s Fudge flavored milk chocolate. It has all the major food groups: milk, and Ouma). Then I went to primary and told the kids stories about Mexico, and had them tell me about the story of Lehi and the Liahona, because I had forgotten it.

Day 39: Work. Laundry. Tanning.

Day 40: Rain. But I went to work anyway, like a real trooper. Then I came home and went on a hunt for more Local and Lekker chocolate. Then we watched the BafanaBafana match. I have never been so sad even though my team won. Oh well Bafana, you did us proud.

Day 41: USA! USA! USA! That’s the American way, my friends.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Nothing Clever Comes to Mind

Day 16: Macrae, Rebecka, and I performed an original interpretive dance at the Stake Talent Show. We got in touch with our Native American sides and interpreted the song, “Colors of the Wind,” from Pocahontas. The people in the stake didn’t know quite what to do with us, which is understandable, as everyone else who performed is actually talented, and we thought we were at Springville High. Also, a significant portion of the audience though we had actually rehearsed our routine, rather than making it up on the spot. This is particularly insulting because if we had rehearsed, we would have at least have come up with a better opening pose.

Day 18: Aired our newly clean laundry.

Day 19: Group meeting: everyone has an awesome project, except Heather, who hasn’t even started hers.

Day 21: Went to a cleansing ceremony. By that I, naturally, mean that we attended an event put on by Masimanyane in response to the eight women who were murdered in East London about a month ago, where there was singing, praying, singing, and then 20 minute speeches by everyone who ever lived (including some traditional Xhosa chiefs) which lasted FOREVER, then we went to the cleansing ceremony. Basically the cleansing ceremony is a bunch of church leaders from several different denominations who all make some more speeches, then they throw holy water on the site, and then on anyone who wants to be cleansed, or rather, baptized. Then Macrae and Auntie P made it into the newspaper. Then we ate dinner at the prison.

Day 22: Went to a YSA activity. I played with some married couples baby the whole time, which I think is pretty normal at a YSA activity. Also, it made me miss my niece Kate screaming every time I tried to hold her. Also, Babes taught me how to say “Xhosa” correctly, finally.

Day 23: Learned how to make Cooked Sisters at Auntie P’s house. Basically they are balls of dough fried in oil, and then coated in sugar-water syrup, and then rolled in coconut, which I guess is just a long way of saying that, basically, they are delicious bits of the Celestial Kingdom.

Day 24: In church we learned that Eli, from the book of Samuel, was the worst father of all time and he obviously is solely accountable for his sons’ sins, all children of divorced parents are manipulative, and children who don’t get enough attention from their parents are spoiled (I’ll say, being supervised by loving parents who give you everything you need is the worst thing that could happen to you as a child). I wonder what the teacher would think about my attitude towards her lesson, probably that all children that are the youngest of five have no respect for their elders.

Day 25: Went to meet Lisa van Tonder who works for Rural Support Services. She said I can volunteer at organization this summer, which is yay! Also, it is yay! because Rural Support Services is a lot like HELP International, which I love, and I won’t have to be stuck in an office for the entire summer, and I get to travel all over the Eastern Cape.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Days 5--14

Day 5: Had a group meeting. Conclusions: everyone in South Africa hates Rebecka’s project, Brandon needs to stop surfing, and Brett’s project is pretty much done.

Day 6: Went to see the movie I Now Pronounce You Black and White. It was awesome in every respect. The acting was portrayed with realism and empathy; the cinematography captured the world beautifully; the writing was absolutely hilarious. It was worth every bit of the two dollars I paid for it. And nothing more.

Day 7: I woke up at 8:30. Not considerably early, but not late either. I got ready. After an hour my roommates got up. I waited for them for an hour, and then went to the Internet with the assurance that they would meet me there in a few minutes. I ended up wasting a lot of my precious Internet minutes waiting for them for an hour, and then I gave up and went back home. I waited for them for another half an hour. Then they really did go to the Internet where I waited for another 45 minutes. Conclusion: I am not getting out of bed until noon from now on. Completely pointless.
Next we went to Masimanyane. We got invited to a Human Trafficking conference. I hope this means that we will be discussing Human Trafficking at a professional conference, and not that a bunch of traffickers are going to be having a conference and that we will be kidnapped at said conference. That would be quite the misunderstanding.
Went to institute at 7:00. We were taught some false doctrine. It was awesome, because everyone waited about 10 minutes before someone brought up the subject again and corrected the teacher. Then the lesson went on from there.

Day 8: I stayed at home to do some reading for my classes. I thought I would be able to read two chapters from a textbook (so as to be prepared for my quiz), and then get in a few chapters of one of my books for my research. And then maybe do some cleaning. This was grossly optimistic. I barely got my textbook reading in.

Day 9: Macrae and Rebecka left me as they went to Hogsback. Which was awesome, because Marcus and Divishny invited me to the braai they were havinging. I chatted with some of Divishny’s friends from work about how stupid Americans are, and the many wonders of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Day 10: Swept. Remember that talk that Rebecka was supposed to give on Sunday? Well, due to her being in Hogsback, I now have to write it. So I did that, too. Then I watched The Lord of the Rings to my hearts content. And my heart was contented.

Day 11: Turns out that the girl who was supposed to speak (that Rebecka was covering for, whom I in turn had to cover) showed up to give her talk. So I was off the hook. So I guess I could have spent more time on Saturday watching The Lord of the Rings. If only I had a time machine.

Day 12: Back to the old grind. Went to the conference on Human Trafficking. The good news: we weren’t kidnapped. We were introduced to the presenter Susan Kreston, J.D. solely because we are Americans. We were given a lot of delicious, free food. Bad news: my tummy got full and I couldn’t eat any more food. The things I learned from the conference were these: the U.S. is stupid, and I couldn’t spell stupid right the first time, so I must be an American.

Day 13: Day two of the conference. It would appear that we are good buddies with the presenter (probably our mutual U.S. citizenship has something to do with this)(except for Rebecka, who probably only got in on her charm and good looks)(and the fact that everyone loves Sweden).
Next we went to see Prince of Persia. Conclusions: Jake Gillenhal is värsta läckra killen.

Day 14: Institute. Everybody thinks we are a little weird. Which is fine, I guess. Also, they seem bored with me because I am from Utah, which is totally lame. For this, I refer them to my mother, as I was not consulted on the family move to Utah.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Captains Log--Part 1

Day 1: I arrived in Joburg only to have my very last flight delayed, but the good news is that my luggage made it despite my flight change. The last plane I had to fly onwas named the Jessica. It smelled bad. I couldn’t understand a word the man next to me was saying. I think he was an Afrikaaner. Macrae dragged me all around East London, and I was very confused. My first meal in South Africa was curry. Marcus (our host parents’ son) made it for us. I don’t think he was aware that curry and I are bitter enemies. Rebeckaarrived later that night. Her luggage did not make it, to which I say: “At least you didn’t have to spend an extra 13 hours traveling.” Except I never actually said that, because that would have been rude, and I really do like Rebecka.

Day 2: Macrae, Rebecka and I walked around East London for what seemed like forever. I bought a rock bun at the bakery. It was only 6 Rand, which is about 83 cents in U.S. dollars. But it still wasn’t worth it. Note to self: don’t waste time or resources on rock buns. Next we went to see Auntie P. Auntie P’s house is loud, as everyone in Parkside seems to think it is their second home. Auntie P’s kids Janie and Jaleel and some of their friends had a jam session and sang to Rebecka. I thought it was fun for a while, but also exhausting. Then we went to the grocery store. I purchased the necessaries for survival: unsliced bread, Nutella, cream buns, and all the materials for grilled cheese sandwiches. Fell asleep at 8:30.

Day 3: Went to see Iron Man 2: In which we are back to hating Soviets. All the camera movements used to make it seem like the fighting was semi-cool made me nauseous. Ate lunch at some restaurant where I got the Gooey Cheesy Bread (on the kids menu). The waitress laughed at me, but the joke is on her, because it was only R16, which is like two bucks, by the way. Then we went to Auntie P’s house again to have a Potjie (?). They wanted us to come at noon, even though the potjie was scheduled for 6:00, but we got there at four, which seemed like a really good idea. (It was.) Jaleel fed me some custard stuff for some special reason of his own (I suspect he thought I was lonely) (I also suspect I will be acting lonely all the time if it gets me custard). Auntie P fed us boorevorst in tomato and onion sauce. Rebeckaand I thought this was the potjie, and our tummies nearly cried when Auntie P said it was merely an appetizer. Also, boorevorst doesn’t taste as good as everyone in/from South Africa says it does. They are all liars. Jaleel talked to me all night, as he said that this night was my night, and the next time we came over he would only talk to Rebecka, even though he could handle both of us at once, because he is just that awesome. Then a thousand people came over. Then some people did some break dance, and some little girl beat up Brandon. I was worn out by six o’clock, but Auntie P warned me that the night was still young. It sounded awfully foreboding. I was right to be afraid. The potjie was ready at some point (I didn’t know the time as I was in a time warp), and I couldn’t eat it for the life of me. Not only was half of it curry (a food I have sworn off forever, even though everyone wants to make me eat it all the time), but also I was stuffed full with that “appetizer.” I pawned the meat off on Jaleel, and then gave the gravy Janie. Rebecka taught some kids how to swear in Swedish. I was crying with exhaustion. We still weren’t allowed to go home. Jaleel told me I reminded him of Bella Swan from Twilight. I have never been so offended in my life, and that’s counting the time that someone said I looked like Tom Hanks. We were finally allowed to go home. I have never been so happy.

Day 4: Got up early and went to church. On the way there a white boy got in the taxi with us. This was shocking, because white people never use taxis. You might be thinking, “but Heather, you are also white,” to which I reply “false.” Church was good. Rebecka got a speaking assignment for next week. Awesome. Brett made it home from Baptist service okay, not dead.