Day 93: 3rd Wave: (n) A group of people who sit on chairs, make actual food (other than 2 Minute Noodles), and shower an inordinate amount.

Day 91: Heather and Laurel’s bus broke down. They sat for an hour waiting for another. Conclusion: boy sitting behind them was stinky and annoying. And he was wearing an Eminem shirt.

Day 90: David and Heather taught the final business review lesson to the Ba Youth Group. The Ba Youth Group gave them some sweet carvings as a thank you gift for coming and teaching them all summer. It was Heather’s first time teaching the Ba Youth Group.

Day 89: “Tori and Natalie finally left, good riddance,” said Heather, as she choked back tears.

Day 87: Once again, the Monday night schools meeting did not happen.

Day 86: David, Ashley, and Heather returned from Taveuni to a house full of strangers, who all have their own inside jokes and friendships. Not okay, folks.

Day 57: Heather and Katy went to the pool at the Tavua Hotel. It was a lovely experience, marred only by the screaming children, the splashing children, and the drunks, reduced to acting like children. But seriously folks, if the author has to hear, “Can you come join us? Oh yeeeaaahhh [imagine the Kool-Aid Man®]!” or, “Let me teach you how to tie a sulu. Oh yeeeaaahhh!” or, “You’re from America? Utah? Oh yeeeaaahhh!” Katy has never been more creeped out…or tan.

Day 56: Ben, Dani, and Whitney went to Nadi, Heather and Katy went to Lautoka. Upon returning from Lautoka, Katy and Heather sat in the house and smelled the noxious smell of Mary Jane right outside their window. Never fear, Ratu, their gallant protector, came and sat with them, and then guarded the house from random Fijian men in the bushes while they slept. In other news, Heather and Katy love Ratu, and he has the biggest muscles in Fiji.

Day 55: We did some stuff, and some stuff got cancelled, so we didn’t do that stuff.
Friday is as Friday does. Ben, Dani, Katy, Whitney, and Heather splurged on New China and junk food. Forced Ben to watch Juno and make him uncomfortable. Whitney and Heather went to bed at 8:30. Ratu watched Hairspray with Ben, Katy, and Dani and laughed every time John Travolta came on screen. We love Ratu.

Day 54: Laurel allegedly stole 50 cents from Jafar, so Jafar chased Laurel and Natalie around, waited for them to teach a lesson, and then chased them some more. Then the Police got involved, the Gold Foundation got involved, and then Rachel remembered Laurel stole 50 cents from her, and began to chase Laurel around the house. Bre, Tori, and Natalie left for Mordor. Katy wanted Heather’s butt, which is understandable, as it is awesome.

Day 53: Heather went against everything she believes and exercised. Roger, Deanne, and Whitney arrived. Wanting to impress Roger, a member of HELP International’s Board of Directors, the HELP team had him come to the library tutoring, which is usually very busy and impressive. Only two girls showed up to be tutored. Needless to say, Heather and Katy (proactive and assertive Schools project leads) have been voted off the island. The tribe has spoken.

Day 52: While reading to the children in the Nasomo Kindergarten, Ben realized that the book the children gave him to read to them wasn’t a story at all, but an incredibly long, boring book on how the printing press works. Ben also realized the children couldn’t read, or understand English, so he used his quick thinking and improvised by telling the Joseph Smith story and turning the pages of the book appropriately. Way to go Ben. Colby found out that her one true love, Someli, is only 17, and that she is a pedophile. In her defense, Colby would like to state that Someli looks like he is 25. Whatever Colby. You’re just creepy. David and Ashley went to Nadi, and in their absence, the HELP volunteers had four incredibly productive and short meetings. The conclusion from these meetings is that David and Ashley are no longer needed, and the volunteers would like their share of the former Country Directors stipends.

Day 50: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, hired a private minibus transport thing to take them to Nadi from their accommodation. It was awesome. Everyone got 2-3 seats to themselves and a leg rest. However, their driver, always eager to make a quick buck, picked up 12 Australians, and the volunteers were pissed. Their own particular form of punishment was to pretend that they were an Evangelical Christian Singing group, and they treated those nasty, leg rest-stealing Australians to a nice round of Row Row Row Your Boat and a series of lies about our performances in Fiji and how we converted Rachel, a Jew, to Christianity. Then the Australians and David had a nice discussion about their favorite South Park episodes.

Day 49: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, went river rafting in the Upper Navua Gorge, or rather, the Grand Canyon of Fiji. It was beautiful. Team “We Don’t Lose/We Will Kill You” Wananavu (comprised of Bre, Ben, Dani, and Heather) won every single water fight, and Bre jumped ship and totally took out Katy. In other news, David, Ashley, Colby, and Rachel were total wusses.

Day 48: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, met up at Uprising Beach Resort. Heather made a new friend named Leena, who is from England, and a hardcore evolutionist. She thinks all Mormons are weird, no surprise there.

Day 47: Tori and Natalie left for Suva and everyone was sad, or so the author thinks. Then David and Ashley left for Suva and everyone was so excited they threw a party. The party was so wild, in fact, it ended with Rachel throwing up everything in the Universe and Heather, Laurel, Bre, and Ben, missing American brownies.