Day 93: 3rd Wave: (n) A group of people who sit on chairs, make actual food (other than 2 Minute Noodles), and shower an inordinate amount.
Day 91: Heather and Laurel’s bus broke down. They sat for an hour waiting for another. Conclusion: boy sitting behind them was stinky and annoying. And he was wearing an Eminem shirt.
Day 90: David and Heather taught the final business review lesson to the Ba Youth Group. The Ba Youth Group gave them some sweet carvings as a thank you gift for coming and teaching them all summer. It was Heather’s first time teaching the Ba Youth Group.
Day 89: “Tori and Natalie finally left, good riddance,” said Heather, as she choked back tears.
Day 87: Once again, the Monday night schools meeting did not happen.
Day 86: David, Ashley, and Heather returned from Taveuni to a house full of strangers, who all have their own inside jokes and friendships. Not okay, folks.
Day 57: Heather and Katy went to the pool at the Tavua Hotel. It was a lovely experience, marred only by the screaming children, the splashing children, and the drunks, reduced to acting like children. But seriously folks, if the author has to hear, “Can you come join us? Oh yeeeaaahhh [imagine the Kool-Aid Man®]!” or, “Let me teach you how to tie a sulu. Oh yeeeaaahhh!” or, “You’re from America? Utah? Oh yeeeaaahhh!” Katy has never been more creeped out…or tan.
Day 56: Ben, Dani, and Whitney went to Nadi, Heather and Katy went to Lautoka. Upon returning from Lautoka, Katy and Heather sat in the house and smelled the noxious smell of Mary Jane right outside their window. Never fear, Ratu, their gallant protector, came and sat with them, and then guarded the house from random Fijian men in the bushes while they slept. In other news, Heather and Katy love Ratu, and he has the biggest muscles in Fiji.
Day 55: We did some stuff, and some stuff got cancelled, so we didn’t do that stuff.
Friday is as Friday does. Ben, Dani, Katy, Whitney, and Heather splurged on New China and junk food. Forced Ben to watch Juno and make him uncomfortable. Whitney and Heather went to bed at 8:30. Ratu watched Hairspray with Ben, Katy, and Dani and laughed every time John Travolta came on screen. We love Ratu.
Day 54: Laurel allegedly stole 50 cents from Jafar, so Jafar chased Laurel and Natalie around, waited for them to teach a lesson, and then chased them some more. Then the Police got involved, the Gold Foundation got involved, and then Rachel remembered Laurel stole 50 cents from her, and began to chase Laurel around the house. Bre, Tori, and Natalie left for Mordor. Katy wanted Heather’s butt, which is understandable, as it is awesome.
Day 53: Heather went against everything she believes and exercised. Roger, Deanne, and Whitney arrived. Wanting to impress Roger, a member of HELP International’s Board of Directors, the HELP team had him come to the library tutoring, which is usually very busy and impressive. Only two girls showed up to be tutored. Needless to say, Heather and Katy (proactive and assertive Schools project leads) have been voted off the island. The tribe has spoken.
Day 52: While reading to the children in the Nasomo Kindergarten, Ben realized that the book the children gave him to read to them wasn’t a story at all, but an incredibly long, boring book on how the printing press works. Ben also realized the children couldn’t read, or understand English, so he used his quick thinking and improvised by telling the Joseph Smith story and turning the pages of the book appropriately. Way to go Ben. Colby found out that her one true love, Someli, is only 17, and that she is a pedophile. In her defense, Colby would like to state that Someli looks like he is 25. Whatever Colby. You’re just creepy. David and Ashley went to Nadi, and in their absence, the HELP volunteers had four incredibly productive and short meetings. The conclusion from these meetings is that David and Ashley are no longer needed, and the volunteers would like their share of the former Country Directors stipends.
Day 50: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, hired a private minibus transport thing to take them to Nadi from their accommodation. It was awesome. Everyone got 2-3 seats to themselves and a leg rest. However, their driver, always eager to make a quick buck, picked up 12 Australians, and the volunteers were pissed. Their own particular form of punishment was to pretend that they were an Evangelical Christian Singing group, and they treated those nasty, leg rest-stealing Australians to a nice round of Row Row Row Your Boat and a series of lies about our performances in Fiji and how we converted Rachel, a Jew, to Christianity. Then the Australians and David had a nice discussion about their favorite South Park episodes.
Day 49: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, went river rafting in the Upper Navua Gorge, or rather, the Grand Canyon of Fiji. It was beautiful. Team “We Don’t Lose/We Will Kill You” Wananavu (comprised of Bre, Ben, Dani, and Heather) won every single water fight, and Bre jumped ship and totally took out Katy. In other news, David, Ashley, Colby, and Rachel were total wusses.
Day 48: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, met up at Uprising Beach Resort. Heather made a new friend named Leena, who is from England, and a hardcore evolutionist. She thinks all Mormons are weird, no surprise there.
Day 47: Tori and Natalie left for Suva and everyone was sad, or so the author thinks. Then David and Ashley left for Suva and everyone was so excited they threw a party. The party was so wild, in fact, it ended with Rachel throwing up everything in the Universe and Heather, Laurel, Bre, and Ben, missing American brownies.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Days 21-41. Start from the bottom
Day 41: The Headmaster at the Yaladro School totally lied to the schools team, but that is okay, because they didn’t even care, so there. Also, Margas, Pipey, and Libbies all went to Lautoka and bought sweet pants, and then made everyone listen to their favorite song and feel awkward doing it. Margas has never been more pleased with herself. In other news: Libbies had so many tears on her face, and everyone ignored Pipey, but don’t worry, because they soothed themselves with Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Day 30: Ashley and David got free breakfast. Bre, Kirsten, and Paige got $46.00 breakfast. Heather got stolen breakfast, and she has never been happier. Heather took an hour long shower. Hair washed: 3 times; body washed: 2 times; face washed: 2 times; washed behind her ears: 1 time.
There was more ocean swimming and poolside sleeping. There was also a game of volleyball that was played. Final score: HELP volunteers—2; Sheraton Staff—8,000,000.
Day 29: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, Ashley, David, and Heather woke up at 5:00 (a.m.) so as to be ready for their transport at 5:15 (again, a.m.). They left Tavua at 5:45 (also a.m.) as the transport they hired the day before never showed up. Needless to say that (fill in with name of volunteer of your choice) was really annoyed.
Anyway, Kirsten and Paige took a mental picture of the most adorable thing ever: David, Ashley, and Bre were all sleeping contentedly whilst being surrounded by Heather’s loving arms as all were driven to Lautoka.
A lot of other stuff happened on Day 29 and it all centers around snorkeling, kayaking, and sleeping by pools.
More importantly, as our six volunteers were on a boat, they discovered that they all looked like models. Kirsten and Paige: PacSun; Ashley: Nautica; David: Armani; Heather: Ralph Lauren; Random Brooding Guy: Hollister; Bre: a blow up swimming pool box picture.
Day 28: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, David, Ashley, and Heather talked about their moms for 7 hrs. Conclusion: they like their moms. Maybe even love. We’ll see.
Day 27:
• No one really got going until 9:30, or at least, one group got going at 9:30, while the other group dilly-dallied until 10:30, which, for some reason, is really embarrassing.
• David insulted his host by calling him a liar.
• David awkwardly played footsie with Heather and Natalie at lunch.
• Heather and Bre talked about different kinds of ice-cream for half an hour.
• Action Item: David needs to get married.
• Some of our volunteers went to a FRIEND training, where nothing amusing happened, or at least, the author wasn’t told that anything amusing happened. Or at least, the author was told, but the telling wasn’t memorable, and the author doesn’t remember anything amusing happing. Author suggests that stories be told more memorable if anyone wants their experiences blogged about.
• David needs to learn three words: T-R-Y, try.
• Ashley drank six bowls of Kava.
• David got called out on daydreaming.
• David had a really eventful day.
Other things of note on Day 27: we met a crazy guy in Bangladesh, who said something along the lines of this, “It is important to budget your money. You see, these people get 5 dollars a day and they buy beer and cigarettes with it so they only get 40 dollars a month. I read a lot of books, I like to learn a lot of things. I used to work on a farm, so you see, I know how to budget. You people are like a finger hitting a stone, if you try to hard, your finger will break, but the stone? It does not break.”
David: “Is there a way we can roll the stone? Or move it?”
Strange man: “No.”
Anyway, this might not seem very ridiculous to the average reader, but you must understand, this old man trapped us in his living and made us listen to him ramble and verbally abuse all the women in the house for an hour or two. Also, the author thinks that he tried to convert the HELP representatives in his house to being Jehovah’s Witnesses. Don’t worry, they deflected.
Day 25: David, Kirsten, Paige, and Heather went to Ba to do Personal Finance training with FRIEND. Personal Finance training included talking about our families income and expenses, having a morning tea (which did not have any tea, the author would like you to know), throwing tennis balls at the faces of nice old ladies, learning that Russia and eastern Europe are communist countries, and that Suva is not Fiji…huh?...yeah?...alright?...yeah.
Nate and Cami taught a gardening lesson in Nabuna, and did not teach gardening in Tavua Levu.
Ashley, David, and Heather went to the Gold Foundation where they do not give loans, no sir. They give handouts.
Day 24: Absolutely nothing going on. Wasting all our time and your money. Example: me, writing a blog.
Day 23: borrowed a neighbor’s oven and baked a cake. Watched two movies. The Universe is balanced, however, we also had a two-and-a-half hour meeting.
Day 22: Slept in. David and Ashley sat at the house waiting for somebody or something to show up. Results: inconclusive. Rest of the team went on a “hike,” which was more like a physically strenuous Jungle Cruise™ than anything (minus the plastic animals, boat, and expensive Disneyland ticket. Not minus the quiet desperation and sad sarcasm of those who really don’t want to be there) (this is where you make the connection between Jungle Cruise™ Guides and Heather). The “hike” was supposed to be to a waterfall, but the crew abandoned ship in uncharted waters and swam in the readily available and inviting river. Reasons for quitting: 1) we are pussy Americans and there was no actual trail, 2) giant boulders upon which we were climbing were hot and jagged and the other mode of transportation (river) was full of large rocks and swimming upstream is no picnic (it is, in fact, a lot like swimming upstream), 3) doubting the existence of said “waterfall.”
After returning home, the team participated in bonding activities that were games at best, pagan rituals at worst. Really, just witness “The Foot Game” or “Bunny Bunny.” Heather, Sara, Bre, and Natalie would like to note that New China Restaurant provided their dinner, and it was their favorite thus far. They highly suggest the sweet and sour chicken.
Day 21: Fijian holiday, and no one wanted to talk to us, so we went to a rugby tournament rather than have our feelings hurt. Nothing really happened at the rugby tournament except our boys from Korovo continuously not losing, so we went home. By home, the author of course means the Tavua Hotel where the team found dinner. If the team had returned to their home home they would have found thieves. As it was, the team returned home an hour or so after the thieves had left, so they couldn’t find four computers, iPod speakers, DVDs, and an iFlip.
Day 30: Ashley and David got free breakfast. Bre, Kirsten, and Paige got $46.00 breakfast. Heather got stolen breakfast, and she has never been happier. Heather took an hour long shower. Hair washed: 3 times; body washed: 2 times; face washed: 2 times; washed behind her ears: 1 time.
There was more ocean swimming and poolside sleeping. There was also a game of volleyball that was played. Final score: HELP volunteers—2; Sheraton Staff—8,000,000.
Day 29: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, Ashley, David, and Heather woke up at 5:00 (a.m.) so as to be ready for their transport at 5:15 (again, a.m.). They left Tavua at 5:45 (also a.m.) as the transport they hired the day before never showed up. Needless to say that (fill in with name of volunteer of your choice) was really annoyed.
Anyway, Kirsten and Paige took a mental picture of the most adorable thing ever: David, Ashley, and Bre were all sleeping contentedly whilst being surrounded by Heather’s loving arms as all were driven to Lautoka.
A lot of other stuff happened on Day 29 and it all centers around snorkeling, kayaking, and sleeping by pools.
More importantly, as our six volunteers were on a boat, they discovered that they all looked like models. Kirsten and Paige: PacSun; Ashley: Nautica; David: Armani; Heather: Ralph Lauren; Random Brooding Guy: Hollister; Bre: a blow up swimming pool box picture.
Day 28: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, David, Ashley, and Heather talked about their moms for 7 hrs. Conclusion: they like their moms. Maybe even love. We’ll see.
Day 27:
• No one really got going until 9:30, or at least, one group got going at 9:30, while the other group dilly-dallied until 10:30, which, for some reason, is really embarrassing.
• David insulted his host by calling him a liar.
• David awkwardly played footsie with Heather and Natalie at lunch.
• Heather and Bre talked about different kinds of ice-cream for half an hour.
• Action Item: David needs to get married.
• Some of our volunteers went to a FRIEND training, where nothing amusing happened, or at least, the author wasn’t told that anything amusing happened. Or at least, the author was told, but the telling wasn’t memorable, and the author doesn’t remember anything amusing happing. Author suggests that stories be told more memorable if anyone wants their experiences blogged about.
• David needs to learn three words: T-R-Y, try.
• Ashley drank six bowls of Kava.
• David got called out on daydreaming.
• David had a really eventful day.
Other things of note on Day 27: we met a crazy guy in Bangladesh, who said something along the lines of this, “It is important to budget your money. You see, these people get 5 dollars a day and they buy beer and cigarettes with it so they only get 40 dollars a month. I read a lot of books, I like to learn a lot of things. I used to work on a farm, so you see, I know how to budget. You people are like a finger hitting a stone, if you try to hard, your finger will break, but the stone? It does not break.”
David: “Is there a way we can roll the stone? Or move it?”
Strange man: “No.”
Anyway, this might not seem very ridiculous to the average reader, but you must understand, this old man trapped us in his living and made us listen to him ramble and verbally abuse all the women in the house for an hour or two. Also, the author thinks that he tried to convert the HELP representatives in his house to being Jehovah’s Witnesses. Don’t worry, they deflected.
Day 25: David, Kirsten, Paige, and Heather went to Ba to do Personal Finance training with FRIEND. Personal Finance training included talking about our families income and expenses, having a morning tea (which did not have any tea, the author would like you to know), throwing tennis balls at the faces of nice old ladies, learning that Russia and eastern Europe are communist countries, and that Suva is not Fiji…huh?...yeah?...alright?...yeah.
Nate and Cami taught a gardening lesson in Nabuna, and did not teach gardening in Tavua Levu.
Ashley, David, and Heather went to the Gold Foundation where they do not give loans, no sir. They give handouts.
Day 24: Absolutely nothing going on. Wasting all our time and your money. Example: me, writing a blog.
Day 23: borrowed a neighbor’s oven and baked a cake. Watched two movies. The Universe is balanced, however, we also had a two-and-a-half hour meeting.
Day 22: Slept in. David and Ashley sat at the house waiting for somebody or something to show up. Results: inconclusive. Rest of the team went on a “hike,” which was more like a physically strenuous Jungle Cruise™ than anything (minus the plastic animals, boat, and expensive Disneyland ticket. Not minus the quiet desperation and sad sarcasm of those who really don’t want to be there) (this is where you make the connection between Jungle Cruise™ Guides and Heather). The “hike” was supposed to be to a waterfall, but the crew abandoned ship in uncharted waters and swam in the readily available and inviting river. Reasons for quitting: 1) we are pussy Americans and there was no actual trail, 2) giant boulders upon which we were climbing were hot and jagged and the other mode of transportation (river) was full of large rocks and swimming upstream is no picnic (it is, in fact, a lot like swimming upstream), 3) doubting the existence of said “waterfall.”
After returning home, the team participated in bonding activities that were games at best, pagan rituals at worst. Really, just witness “The Foot Game” or “Bunny Bunny.” Heather, Sara, Bre, and Natalie would like to note that New China Restaurant provided their dinner, and it was their favorite thus far. They highly suggest the sweet and sour chicken.
Day 21: Fijian holiday, and no one wanted to talk to us, so we went to a rugby tournament rather than have our feelings hurt. Nothing really happened at the rugby tournament except our boys from Korovo continuously not losing, so we went home. By home, the author of course means the Tavua Hotel where the team found dinner. If the team had returned to their home home they would have found thieves. As it was, the team returned home an hour or so after the thieves had left, so they couldn’t find four computers, iPod speakers, DVDs, and an iFlip.
Friday, May 29, 2009
First Fiji Update
Okay Kirsta, I'm updating my blog for you, but there are no pictures because I haven't put them on a computer, and even if I had, I still wouldn't have them, as all the computers have been stolen. Actually, I don't anticipate having any pictures to show until I get back at this point. Internet cafe's are too expensive and slow for uploading pictures.
Anyway, since I've been here I have planted some gardens, built some stoves out of adobe, taught some health lessons, and eaten a lot of curry (decision: curry--not so good). Last week the group went to Suva to a YSA dance, which was meh, and saw Angel's and Demon's, which was meh. Then we went to a beach resort called Uprising for super cheap because of awesome connections, and that was really fun. However, I do not suggest getting the massage there, because it was dumb, and I got eaten alive by mosquitos. I think I learned my lesson.
I might start interning with an NGO, which is a women's crisis center, so I'm pretty excited about that.
Peace.
Anyway, since I've been here I have planted some gardens, built some stoves out of adobe, taught some health lessons, and eaten a lot of curry (decision: curry--not so good). Last week the group went to Suva to a YSA dance, which was meh, and saw Angel's and Demon's, which was meh. Then we went to a beach resort called Uprising for super cheap because of awesome connections, and that was really fun. However, I do not suggest getting the massage there, because it was dumb, and I got eaten alive by mosquitos. I think I learned my lesson.
I might start interning with an NGO, which is a women's crisis center, so I'm pretty excited about that.
Peace.
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