Day 55: Finally finished the literature review for RSS. It certainly took me far too long. The actual writing took me an hour or so. I could have done all that work in two days, but don’t worry. It took me a month.
Day 56: Retreat! Fall back to the keep! (just a LOTR reference, to start things off.) Went to Gonubie for our group retreat. We went to the beach. It was absolutely beautiful, and that is saying something, because I’ve been to many a beach in Fiji, which has the most beautiful beaches in the world, and this one in Gonubie held its own pretty well. Then we played M.A.S.H.P.T. (mansion, apartment, shack, house, pyramid, trailer park) with the boys. Don’t worry, Brett and I are getting married, and we will live in a pyramid in Provo. Brett will be a Buy More supervisor, and I will be a homemaker. Brett will die because of fire swallowing. Macrae will be marrying Robert Downey Jr. She contributes to society by being a construction guy, and her husband is a librarian. Together their income per annum is whatever they steal from beggars. Macrae and Robert Downey Jr. were blessed with a string of septuplets (connected hand to foot). Macrae meets her end by being stressed out by Brandon. When Brandon is not annoying Macrae to death, he is getting married to Jennifer Lopez, but then they get divorced, and Brandon then marries Cecil’s wife (as in the wife of Cecil Samuelson, the president of BYU). They honeymoon in the MTC—Provo. Everyday Brandon drives a parade to work, where he makes beaded belts, and he makes an annual income of 10,000 high fives and one long hug per year. Somehow this salary pays for his mansion in Mississippi. Rebecka’s future looks bright. First, she marries someone whose name I cannot publish on the internet, for his own protection and decorum (and if we will name Cecil’s wife, you know this has got to be good). The happy couple live on happiness in their mansion in the bayou, where they raise an average of 2.4 kids. Yours truly is happily married to Legolas, of the woodland realm, but then he dies, so I marry Homer Simpson instead. I work as an anti-feminist activist, and my husband is a mime. My super power is having ultimate spin the bottle control. My family has a pet dinosaur, and we live in Brett’s basement. I die in a blaze of glory.
So you see that we had a really productive retreat.
Day 60: We all went to see Eclipse. I am too tired to regale you all with how much I dislike that franchise. Suffice it to say that the saving grace of that movie is the soundtrack. Darn you MTV.
Day 61: Institute, once again. Let me tell you what happened: it was the same as every institute.
Day 62: Nothing memorable happening.
Day 63: Had an excellent interview. Went to Pia’s netball game. If you don’t know what netball is, let me explain: it’s like basketballs ridiculous younger cousin, except not in a derogatory way. And Pia played really well. Then we went to a ward activity about genealogy. You might be thinking, “wow, what a huge ball of boring.” This kind of thinking offends me, as I used to be a genealogy major. Anyway, it really was fun, and I don’t think I am the only one when I say that it was the best ward activity ever. Little Ben Krulle sat in a chair the center of the cultural hall (as it was his birthday) and then he had to pick someone from the ward to be his dad (except it couldn’t be his real dad). He picked Gerhard. Gerhard then had to pick a dad. He picked Jarom Wainwright. Jarom then picked a dad, and so on. Then Ben picked a mom. She then had to pick a dad who picked a dad and so on. Then Jarom had to pick a wife (except not his actual wife, the lovely Lauren). He chose little Jenny Krulle. When she was chosen the first thing she said was, “I can’t believe he picked a little kid to be his wife!” (Which was adorable, and not creepy.) Then she turned to Gerhard and said, “Hello, son!” (Which was also adorable.) Jenny then picked a dad who picked a dad and so on. Eventually Jenny’s ‘dad’ picked a wife, which was me. Which makes Jenny my daughter, and Jarom my grandson. Then Jarom’s real life wife turned out to be my mother. Eventually everyone had a mother and father. Then we had Ben turn around, and lo and behold, we made a complete pedigree chart. Which I think brings the idea of a ward family to a whole new level. Then Ben’s whole family sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
Day 64: YSA sports day. Like one would imagine, I spent the entire YSA activity playing with seven year olds.
Day 65: During Sacrament Meeting Ben Krulle and his little brother Daniel were doing handstands. Then Brother Krulle picked up Ben by his ankles, swung him around, and carried him out of the chapel. Daniel went running after them with tears in his eyes, sobbing, “I love you, Ben!”
Had dinner at the Wainwright’s. It was beautifully normal. We talked about The Osmonds, while Nathanael, who is eight, gave everyone shoulder massages.
Day 66: Macrae and I went to get Chinese, but the restaurant was closed, so instead we walked to Bunker’s Hill, for absolutely no reason. The day was not wasted though. I finally got Asian Bingo.
Day 67: Group meeting. Boring.
Day 68: Found out that Thuveshni (the artist formerly known as Divishny) actually spells her name Thuveshny. Who knew?
Day 69: Illness.
Day 70: Had an interview that went really well. Then we went to a dance with all the adults in the three East London wards. It was awesome, until they stopped playing oldies. Bishop turned on some pop music, which was when the ‘dirty dancing’ cam out (well, as dirty as you can get with the lights on). I find it amusing that everything was the perfect picture of appropriate, until the Bishop took over.
Day 71: I finally get to go to a rugby game. It turns out that all the learners in high school are required to go to rugby games, and they have to wear their uniforms. On Saturday. God bless America.
Day 75: Had dinner with Sister Leslie and the missionaries. While preparing the meal, Macrae and I sang “Henry the 8th” really loudly and really poorly. I think Elder Fozard (from England) was a little offended by our wonderful accents.
Day 77: Got Chinese. So happy.
Day 78: Saw Inception at Hemingways.
Day 79: Church. Finally got Daniel Krulle to be my friend. It only took three months.
Day 80: Washed dishes at Zamani. Then I took a nap, and Mama Yoyo said I was a like a little baby, because I sleep so much. To which I reply, “yes.” Then we cooked dinner for the Thomases. I was in charge of boiling potatoes. Probably because I can’t do anything else.
Predictions for the rest of my stay in East London
Day 82: Went to the Lion Park. I was eaten by a lion.
Day 83: Went to Aunty P’s. She fed us.
Day 84: Went on a tour of East London with the kids from Zamani. I was trampled to death by little kids.
Day 85: Went to Hogsback. Fell off a cliff while hiking.
Day 86: Last Sunday. Ate at Bobby and Zhona’s house. I still don’t know their last name.
Day 87: All of my flights are delayed. Also, I think I lost count of my days somewhere. Because this should be day 88.
