Day 41: The Headmaster at the Yaladro School totally lied to the schools team, but that is okay, because they didn’t even care, so there. Also, Margas, Pipey, and Libbies all went to Lautoka and bought sweet pants, and then made everyone listen to their favorite song and feel awkward doing it. Margas has never been more pleased with herself. In other news: Libbies had so many tears on her face, and everyone ignored Pipey, but don’t worry, because they soothed themselves with Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Day 30: Ashley and David got free breakfast. Bre, Kirsten, and Paige got $46.00 breakfast. Heather got stolen breakfast, and she has never been happier. Heather took an hour long shower. Hair washed: 3 times; body washed: 2 times; face washed: 2 times; washed behind her ears: 1 time.
There was more ocean swimming and poolside sleeping. There was also a game of volleyball that was played. Final score: HELP volunteers—2; Sheraton Staff—8,000,000.
Day 29: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, Ashley, David, and Heather woke up at 5:00 (a.m.) so as to be ready for their transport at 5:15 (again, a.m.). They left Tavua at 5:45 (also a.m.) as the transport they hired the day before never showed up. Needless to say that (fill in with name of volunteer of your choice) was really annoyed.
Anyway, Kirsten and Paige took a mental picture of the most adorable thing ever: David, Ashley, and Bre were all sleeping contentedly whilst being surrounded by Heather’s loving arms as all were driven to Lautoka.
A lot of other stuff happened on Day 29 and it all centers around snorkeling, kayaking, and sleeping by pools.
More importantly, as our six volunteers were on a boat, they discovered that they all looked like models. Kirsten and Paige: PacSun; Ashley: Nautica; David: Armani; Heather: Ralph Lauren; Random Brooding Guy: Hollister; Bre: a blow up swimming pool box picture.
Day 28: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, David, Ashley, and Heather talked about their moms for 7 hrs. Conclusion: they like their moms. Maybe even love. We’ll see.
Day 27:
• No one really got going until 9:30, or at least, one group got going at 9:30, while the other group dilly-dallied until 10:30, which, for some reason, is really embarrassing.
• David insulted his host by calling him a liar.
• David awkwardly played footsie with Heather and Natalie at lunch.
• Heather and Bre talked about different kinds of ice-cream for half an hour.
• Action Item: David needs to get married.
• Some of our volunteers went to a FRIEND training, where nothing amusing happened, or at least, the author wasn’t told that anything amusing happened. Or at least, the author was told, but the telling wasn’t memorable, and the author doesn’t remember anything amusing happing. Author suggests that stories be told more memorable if anyone wants their experiences blogged about.
• David needs to learn three words: T-R-Y, try.
• Ashley drank six bowls of Kava.
• David got called out on daydreaming.
• David had a really eventful day.
Other things of note on Day 27: we met a crazy guy in Bangladesh, who said something along the lines of this, “It is important to budget your money. You see, these people get 5 dollars a day and they buy beer and cigarettes with it so they only get 40 dollars a month. I read a lot of books, I like to learn a lot of things. I used to work on a farm, so you see, I know how to budget. You people are like a finger hitting a stone, if you try to hard, your finger will break, but the stone? It does not break.”
David: “Is there a way we can roll the stone? Or move it?”
Strange man: “No.”
Anyway, this might not seem very ridiculous to the average reader, but you must understand, this old man trapped us in his living and made us listen to him ramble and verbally abuse all the women in the house for an hour or two. Also, the author thinks that he tried to convert the HELP representatives in his house to being Jehovah’s Witnesses. Don’t worry, they deflected.
Day 25: David, Kirsten, Paige, and Heather went to Ba to do Personal Finance training with FRIEND. Personal Finance training included talking about our families income and expenses, having a morning tea (which did not have any tea, the author would like you to know), throwing tennis balls at the faces of nice old ladies, learning that Russia and eastern Europe are communist countries, and that Suva is not Fiji…huh?...yeah?...alright?...yeah.
Nate and Cami taught a gardening lesson in Nabuna, and did not teach gardening in Tavua Levu.
Ashley, David, and Heather went to the Gold Foundation where they do not give loans, no sir. They give handouts.
Day 24: Absolutely nothing going on. Wasting all our time and your money. Example: me, writing a blog.
Day 23: borrowed a neighbor’s oven and baked a cake. Watched two movies. The Universe is balanced, however, we also had a two-and-a-half hour meeting.
Day 22: Slept in. David and Ashley sat at the house waiting for somebody or something to show up. Results: inconclusive. Rest of the team went on a “hike,” which was more like a physically strenuous Jungle Cruise™ than anything (minus the plastic animals, boat, and expensive Disneyland ticket. Not minus the quiet desperation and sad sarcasm of those who really don’t want to be there) (this is where you make the connection between Jungle Cruise™ Guides and Heather). The “hike” was supposed to be to a waterfall, but the crew abandoned ship in uncharted waters and swam in the readily available and inviting river. Reasons for quitting: 1) we are pussy Americans and there was no actual trail, 2) giant boulders upon which we were climbing were hot and jagged and the other mode of transportation (river) was full of large rocks and swimming upstream is no picnic (it is, in fact, a lot like swimming upstream), 3) doubting the existence of said “waterfall.”
After returning home, the team participated in bonding activities that were games at best, pagan rituals at worst. Really, just witness “The Foot Game” or “Bunny Bunny.” Heather, Sara, Bre, and Natalie would like to note that New China Restaurant provided their dinner, and it was their favorite thus far. They highly suggest the sweet and sour chicken.
Day 21: Fijian holiday, and no one wanted to talk to us, so we went to a rugby tournament rather than have our feelings hurt. Nothing really happened at the rugby tournament except our boys from Korovo continuously not losing, so we went home. By home, the author of course means the Tavua Hotel where the team found dinner. If the team had returned to their home home they would have found thieves. As it was, the team returned home an hour or so after the thieves had left, so they couldn’t find four computers, iPod speakers, DVDs, and an iFlip.
