Day 16: Macrae, Rebecka, and I performed an original interpretive dance at the Stake Talent Show. We got in touch with our Native American sides and interpreted the song, “Colors of the Wind,” from Pocahontas. The people in the stake didn’t know quite what to do with us, which is understandable, as everyone else who performed is actually talented, and we thought we were at Springville High. Also, a significant portion of the audience though we had actually rehearsed our routine, rather than making it up on the spot. This is particularly insulting because if we had rehearsed, we would have at least have come up with a better opening pose.
Day 18: Aired our newly clean laundry.
Day 19: Group meeting: everyone has an awesome project, except Heather, who hasn’t even started hers.
Day 21: Went to a cleansing ceremony. By that I, naturally, mean that we attended an event put on by Masimanyane in response to the eight women who were murdered in East London about a month ago, where there was singing, praying, singing, and then 20 minute speeches by everyone who ever lived (including some traditional Xhosa chiefs) which lasted FOREVER, then we went to the cleansing ceremony. Basically the cleansing ceremony is a bunch of church leaders from several different denominations who all make some more speeches, then they throw holy water on the site, and then on anyone who wants to be cleansed, or rather, baptized. Then Macrae and Auntie P made it into the newspaper. Then we ate dinner at the prison.
Day 22: Went to a YSA activity. I played with some married couples baby the whole time, which I think is pretty normal at a YSA activity. Also, it made me miss my niece Kate screaming every time I tried to hold her. Also, Babes taught me how to say “Xhosa” correctly, finally.
Day 23: Learned how to make Cooked Sisters at Auntie P’s house. Basically they are balls of dough fried in oil, and then coated in sugar-water syrup, and then rolled in coconut, which I guess is just a long way of saying that, basically, they are delicious bits of the Celestial Kingdom.
Day 24: In church we learned that Eli, from the book of Samuel, was the worst father of all time and he obviously is solely accountable for his sons’ sins, all children of divorced parents are manipulative, and children who don’t get enough attention from their parents are spoiled (I’ll say, being supervised by loving parents who give you everything you need is the worst thing that could happen to you as a child). I wonder what the teacher would think about my attitude towards her lesson, probably that all children that are the youngest of five have no respect for their elders.
Day 25: Went to meet Lisa van Tonder who works for Rural Support Services. She said I can volunteer at organization this summer, which is yay! Also, it is yay! because Rural Support Services is a lot like HELP International, which I love, and I won’t have to be stuck in an office for the entire summer, and I get to travel all over the Eastern Cape.
Day 26: Went to Queenstown with Lisa. Conclusions from excursion: I get along well with Lisa, and the two hour drive from East London to Queenstown did not seem long at all. And South Africa is absolutely breathtaking. I think Alan Paton said it best when he said that, “[the rolling hills] are lovely beyond any singing of it.”
Day 28: Birthday, or rather the death of my teenage years. As such, Macrae, Rebecka, Brandon and I went to La Terrezza to have a nice funerary send off of said teenage years. Jessica Swensen provided the eulogy, which moved everyone to enormous bouts of sobs. Then the waitress totally killed Brandon.
Day 29: Opening day of the World Cup. We all wore every bit of green and gold we had. I had the most, which means that I love South Africa the most. Cornelius said that if BafanaBafana won, everyone had to take a shot of gin. I think that the Lord didn’t let BafanaBafana win because of this. Well, that and the fact that the ref’s are racist (trust me, Julius Malema would agree that it is obvious).
Day 30: USA! USA! USA! Not only will we score, but also we will embarrass your entire nation while doing it. It is the American way.
Day 31: I finally got to give my talk. Rebecka and Macrae say that my public speaking voice sounds like I will one day be in the General Relief Society Presdency. If their prediction comes true, I do not think things bode well for the future of Relief Society.
Day 32: Putting things together for a lit review. It feels like I have spent my entire existence on the Harold B. Lee Library website.
Day 33: It was raining. I took this as an excuse that I don’t have to do anything. As an added point of interest, I have discovered an excellent outfit to ward off the frigid South African winter nights. Step one: put on butterfly leggings and thermal top. Step two: put on fleece onesie that your sister gave to you for Christmas three years ago. Step three: put on fleece jammie pants that you bought at DI and your mom thinks are hideous. Step four: put on enormous rugby-style shirt and tuck it in to jammie pants. Voilà! You have one attractive and warm outfit.
Day 34: Today is Youth Day. Do not confuse this day as a holiday that celebrates the hi-jinks and shenanigans of youth. That would be Halloween. Youth Day celebrates the Soweto youth that protested the mandatory study of Afrikaans in schools during apartheid. I quite agree with them. I wouldn’t want to learn Afrikaans in school either. It’s ugly.
Also. I have never hated Uruguay more, despite the fact that their captain is lovely.
Day 35: Back to work.
Day 36: More work. Then we all went to a tri-ward unofficial church activity at some family’s farm. There were a lot of people there, but I really only talked to three: Jessica, who is nine, Sister Leslie, who I would place at older than nine, and Wesley, who is in my YSA group. Wesley is of Swiss descent, so we discussed Switzerland’s awesome win over Spain with much vigor.
Also. America would come back from two down for the draw. It’s the American way.
Day 37: Day number two of Church Weekend Extravaganza. We went to a Relief Society activity where we crocheted and knitted squares for blankets. I thought I wanted to learn to knit or crochet, but I was wrong. I forgot that I have tried both of these several times before, and hated them every time I have tried. So Sister Zhona and Pia and I put together Father’s day gifts instead. I wasn’t particularly good at that either. I guess I just don’t have Relief Society Talents. I am just not good at needlework, scrapbooking, cooking, or music. Heaven help the General Relief Society Presidency should I ever serve there. The only thing I would bring to the table is my soothing conference voice.
We also went to YSA Karaoke—Best of the 90’s. Also there was some Afrikaans karaoke, which was hilarious.
Day 38: Church. I spent most of my time eating breakfast during Sacrament Meeting (I highly recommend Cadbury’s Local and Lekker: Ouma’s Fudge flavored milk chocolate. It has all the major food groups: milk, and Ouma). Then I went to primary and told the kids stories about Mexico, and had them tell me about the story of Lehi and the Liahona, because I had forgotten it.
Day 39: Work. Laundry. Tanning.
Day 40: Rain. But I went to work anyway, like a real trooper. Then I came home and went on a hunt for more Local and Lekker chocolate. Then we watched the BafanaBafana match. I have never been so sad even though my team won. Oh well Bafana, you did us proud.
Day 41: USA! USA! USA! That’s the American way, my friends.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nothing Clever Comes to Mind
Day 16: Macrae, Rebecka, and I performed an original interpretive dance at the Stake Talent Show. We got in touch with our Native American sides and interpreted the song, “Colors of the Wind,” from Pocahontas. The people in the stake didn’t know quite what to do with us, which is understandable, as everyone else who performed is actually talented, and we thought we were at Springville High. Also, a significant portion of the audience though we had actually rehearsed our routine, rather than making it up on the spot. This is particularly insulting because if we had rehearsed, we would have at least have come up with a better opening pose.
Day 18: Aired our newly clean laundry.
Day 19: Group meeting: everyone has an awesome project, except Heather, who hasn’t even started hers.
Day 21: Went to a cleansing ceremony. By that I, naturally, mean that we attended an event put on by Masimanyane in response to the eight women who were murdered in East London about a month ago, where there was singing, praying, singing, and then 20 minute speeches by everyone who ever lived (including some traditional Xhosa chiefs) which lasted FOREVER, then we went to the cleansing ceremony. Basically the cleansing ceremony is a bunch of church leaders from several different denominations who all make some more speeches, then they throw holy water on the site, and then on anyone who wants to be cleansed, or rather, baptized. Then Macrae and Auntie P made it into the newspaper. Then we ate dinner at the prison.
Day 22: Went to a YSA activity. I played with some married couples baby the whole time, which I think is pretty normal at a YSA activity. Also, it made me miss my niece Kate screaming every time I tried to hold her. Also, Babes taught me how to say “Xhosa” correctly, finally.
Day 23: Learned how to make Cooked Sisters at Auntie P’s house. Basically they are balls of dough fried in oil, and then coated in sugar-water syrup, and then rolled in coconut, which I guess is just a long way of saying that, basically, they are delicious bits of the Celestial Kingdom.
Day 24: In church we learned that Eli, from the book of Samuel, was the worst father of all time and he obviously is solely accountable for his sons’ sins, all children of divorced parents are manipulative, and children who don’t get enough attention from their parents are spoiled (I’ll say, being supervised by loving parents who give you everything you need is the worst thing that could happen to you as a child). I wonder what the teacher would think about my attitude towards her lesson, probably that all children that are the youngest of five have no respect for their elders.
Day 25: Went to meet Lisa van Tonder who works for Rural Support Services. She said I can volunteer at organization this summer, which is yay! Also, it is yay! because Rural Support Services is a lot like HELP International, which I love, and I won’t have to be stuck in an office for the entire summer, and I get to travel all over the Eastern Cape.
Day 18: Aired our newly clean laundry.
Day 19: Group meeting: everyone has an awesome project, except Heather, who hasn’t even started hers.
Day 21: Went to a cleansing ceremony. By that I, naturally, mean that we attended an event put on by Masimanyane in response to the eight women who were murdered in East London about a month ago, where there was singing, praying, singing, and then 20 minute speeches by everyone who ever lived (including some traditional Xhosa chiefs) which lasted FOREVER, then we went to the cleansing ceremony. Basically the cleansing ceremony is a bunch of church leaders from several different denominations who all make some more speeches, then they throw holy water on the site, and then on anyone who wants to be cleansed, or rather, baptized. Then Macrae and Auntie P made it into the newspaper. Then we ate dinner at the prison.
Day 22: Went to a YSA activity. I played with some married couples baby the whole time, which I think is pretty normal at a YSA activity. Also, it made me miss my niece Kate screaming every time I tried to hold her. Also, Babes taught me how to say “Xhosa” correctly, finally.
Day 23: Learned how to make Cooked Sisters at Auntie P’s house. Basically they are balls of dough fried in oil, and then coated in sugar-water syrup, and then rolled in coconut, which I guess is just a long way of saying that, basically, they are delicious bits of the Celestial Kingdom.
Day 24: In church we learned that Eli, from the book of Samuel, was the worst father of all time and he obviously is solely accountable for his sons’ sins, all children of divorced parents are manipulative, and children who don’t get enough attention from their parents are spoiled (I’ll say, being supervised by loving parents who give you everything you need is the worst thing that could happen to you as a child). I wonder what the teacher would think about my attitude towards her lesson, probably that all children that are the youngest of five have no respect for their elders.
Day 25: Went to meet Lisa van Tonder who works for Rural Support Services. She said I can volunteer at organization this summer, which is yay! Also, it is yay! because Rural Support Services is a lot like HELP International, which I love, and I won’t have to be stuck in an office for the entire summer, and I get to travel all over the Eastern Cape.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Days 5--14
Day 5: Had a group meeting. Conclusions: everyone in South Africa hates Rebecka’s project, Brandon needs to stop surfing, and Brett’s project is pretty much done.
Day 6: Went to see the movie I Now Pronounce You Black and White. It was awesome in every respect. The acting was portrayed with realism and empathy; the cinematography captured the world beautifully; the writing was absolutely hilarious. It was worth every bit of the two dollars I paid for it. And nothing more.
Day 7: I woke up at 8:30. Not considerably early, but not late either. I got ready. After an hour my roommates got up. I waited for them for an hour, and then went to the Internet with the assurance that they would meet me there in a few minutes. I ended up wasting a lot of my precious Internet minutes waiting for them for an hour, and then I gave up and went back home. I waited for them for another half an hour. Then they really did go to the Internet where I waited for another 45 minutes. Conclusion: I am not getting out of bed until noon from now on. Completely pointless.
Next we went to Masimanyane. We got invited to a Human Trafficking conference. I hope this means that we will be discussing Human Trafficking at a professional conference, and not that a bunch of traffickers are going to be having a conference and that we will be kidnapped at said conference. That would be quite the misunderstanding.
Went to institute at 7:00. We were taught some false doctrine. It was awesome, because everyone waited about 10 minutes before someone brought up the subject again and corrected the teacher. Then the lesson went on from there.
Day 8: I stayed at home to do some reading for my classes. I thought I would be able to read two chapters from a textbook (so as to be prepared for my quiz), and then get in a few chapters of one of my books for my research. And then maybe do some cleaning. This was grossly optimistic. I barely got my textbook reading in.
Day 9: Macrae and Rebecka left me as they went to Hogsback. Which was awesome, because Marcus and Divishny invited me to the braai they were havinging. I chatted with some of Divishny’s friends from work about how stupid Americans are, and the many wonders of grilled cheese sandwiches.
Day 10: Swept. Remember that talk that Rebecka was supposed to give on Sunday? Well, due to her being in Hogsback, I now have to write it. So I did that, too. Then I watched The Lord of the Rings to my hearts content. And my heart was contented.
Day 11: Turns out that the girl who was supposed to speak (that Rebecka was covering for, whom I in turn had to cover) showed up to give her talk. So I was off the hook. So I guess I could have spent more time on Saturday watching The Lord of the Rings. If only I had a time machine.
Day 12: Back to the old grind. Went to the conference on Human Trafficking. The good news: we weren’t kidnapped. We were introduced to the presenter Susan Kreston, J.D. solely because we are Americans. We were given a lot of delicious, free food. Bad news: my tummy got full and I couldn’t eat any more food. The things I learned from the conference were these: the U.S. is stupid, and I couldn’t spell stupid right the first time, so I must be an American.
Day 13: Day two of the conference. It would appear that we are good buddies with the presenter (probably our mutual U.S. citizenship has something to do with this)(except for Rebecka, who probably only got in on her charm and good looks)(and the fact that everyone loves Sweden).
Next we went to see Prince of Persia. Conclusions: Jake Gillenhal is värsta läckra killen.
Day 14: Institute. Everybody thinks we are a little weird. Which is fine, I guess. Also, they seem bored with me because I am from Utah, which is totally lame. For this, I refer them to my mother, as I was not consulted on the family move to Utah.
Day 6: Went to see the movie I Now Pronounce You Black and White. It was awesome in every respect. The acting was portrayed with realism and empathy; the cinematography captured the world beautifully; the writing was absolutely hilarious. It was worth every bit of the two dollars I paid for it. And nothing more.
Day 7: I woke up at 8:30. Not considerably early, but not late either. I got ready. After an hour my roommates got up. I waited for them for an hour, and then went to the Internet with the assurance that they would meet me there in a few minutes. I ended up wasting a lot of my precious Internet minutes waiting for them for an hour, and then I gave up and went back home. I waited for them for another half an hour. Then they really did go to the Internet where I waited for another 45 minutes. Conclusion: I am not getting out of bed until noon from now on. Completely pointless.
Next we went to Masimanyane. We got invited to a Human Trafficking conference. I hope this means that we will be discussing Human Trafficking at a professional conference, and not that a bunch of traffickers are going to be having a conference and that we will be kidnapped at said conference. That would be quite the misunderstanding.
Went to institute at 7:00. We were taught some false doctrine. It was awesome, because everyone waited about 10 minutes before someone brought up the subject again and corrected the teacher. Then the lesson went on from there.
Day 8: I stayed at home to do some reading for my classes. I thought I would be able to read two chapters from a textbook (so as to be prepared for my quiz), and then get in a few chapters of one of my books for my research. And then maybe do some cleaning. This was grossly optimistic. I barely got my textbook reading in.
Day 9: Macrae and Rebecka left me as they went to Hogsback. Which was awesome, because Marcus and Divishny invited me to the braai they were havinging. I chatted with some of Divishny’s friends from work about how stupid Americans are, and the many wonders of grilled cheese sandwiches.
Day 10: Swept. Remember that talk that Rebecka was supposed to give on Sunday? Well, due to her being in Hogsback, I now have to write it. So I did that, too. Then I watched The Lord of the Rings to my hearts content. And my heart was contented.
Day 11: Turns out that the girl who was supposed to speak (that Rebecka was covering for, whom I in turn had to cover) showed up to give her talk. So I was off the hook. So I guess I could have spent more time on Saturday watching The Lord of the Rings. If only I had a time machine.
Day 12: Back to the old grind. Went to the conference on Human Trafficking. The good news: we weren’t kidnapped. We were introduced to the presenter Susan Kreston, J.D. solely because we are Americans. We were given a lot of delicious, free food. Bad news: my tummy got full and I couldn’t eat any more food. The things I learned from the conference were these: the U.S. is stupid, and I couldn’t spell stupid right the first time, so I must be an American.
Day 13: Day two of the conference. It would appear that we are good buddies with the presenter (probably our mutual U.S. citizenship has something to do with this)(except for Rebecka, who probably only got in on her charm and good looks)(and the fact that everyone loves Sweden).
Next we went to see Prince of Persia. Conclusions: Jake Gillenhal is värsta läckra killen.
Day 14: Institute. Everybody thinks we are a little weird. Which is fine, I guess. Also, they seem bored with me because I am from Utah, which is totally lame. For this, I refer them to my mother, as I was not consulted on the family move to Utah.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Captains Log--Part 1
Day 1: I arrived in Joburg only to have my very last flight delayed, but the good news is that my luggage made it despite my flight change. The last plane I had to fly onwas named the Jessica. It smelled bad. I couldn’t understand a word the man next to me was saying. I think he was an Afrikaaner. Macrae dragged me all around East London, and I was very confused. My first meal in South Africa was curry. Marcus (our host parents’ son) made it for us. I don’t think he was aware that curry and I are bitter enemies. Rebeckaarrived later that night. Her luggage did not make it, to which I say: “At least you didn’t have to spend an extra 13 hours traveling.” Except I never actually said that, because that would have been rude, and I really do like Rebecka.
Day 2: Macrae, Rebecka and I walked around East London for what seemed like forever. I bought a rock bun at the bakery. It was only 6 Rand, which is about 83 cents in U.S. dollars. But it still wasn’t worth it. Note to self: don’t waste time or resources on rock buns. Next we went to see Auntie P. Auntie P’s house is loud, as everyone in Parkside seems to think it is their second home. Auntie P’s kids Janie and Jaleel and some of their friends had a jam session and sang to Rebecka. I thought it was fun for a while, but also exhausting. Then we went to the grocery store. I purchased the necessaries for survival: unsliced bread, Nutella, cream buns, and all the materials for grilled cheese sandwiches. Fell asleep at 8:30.
Day 3: Went to see Iron Man 2: In which we are back to hating Soviets. All the camera movements used to make it seem like the fighting was semi-cool made me nauseous. Ate lunch at some restaurant where I got the Gooey Cheesy Bread (on the kids menu). The waitress laughed at me, but the joke is on her, because it was only R16, which is like two bucks, by the way. Then we went to Auntie P’s house again to have a Potjie (?). They wanted us to come at noon, even though the potjie was scheduled for 6:00, but we got there at four, which seemed like a really good idea. (It was.) Jaleel fed me some custard stuff for some special reason of his own (I suspect he thought I was lonely) (I also suspect I will be acting lonely all the time if it gets me custard). Auntie P fed us boorevorst in tomato and onion sauce. Rebeckaand I thought this was the potjie, and our tummies nearly cried when Auntie P said it was merely an appetizer. Also, boorevorst doesn’t taste as good as everyone in/from South Africa says it does. They are all liars. Jaleel talked to me all night, as he said that this night was my night, and the next time we came over he would only talk to Rebecka, even though he could handle both of us at once, because he is just that awesome. Then a thousand people came over. Then some people did some break dance, and some little girl beat up Brandon. I was worn out by six o’clock, but Auntie P warned me that the night was still young. It sounded awfully foreboding. I was right to be afraid. The potjie was ready at some point (I didn’t know the time as I was in a time warp), and I couldn’t eat it for the life of me. Not only was half of it curry (a food I have sworn off forever, even though everyone wants to make me eat it all the time), but also I was stuffed full with that “appetizer.” I pawned the meat off on Jaleel, and then gave the gravy Janie. Rebecka taught some kids how to swear in Swedish. I was crying with exhaustion. We still weren’t allowed to go home. Jaleel told me I reminded him of Bella Swan from Twilight. I have never been so offended in my life, and that’s counting the time that someone said I looked like Tom Hanks. We were finally allowed to go home. I have never been so happy.
Day 4: Got up early and went to church. On the way there a white boy got in the taxi with us. This was shocking, because white people never use taxis. You might be thinking, “but Heather, you are also white,” to which I reply “false.” Church was good. Rebecka got a speaking assignment for next week. Awesome. Brett made it home from Baptist service okay, not dead.
Day 2: Macrae, Rebecka and I walked around East London for what seemed like forever. I bought a rock bun at the bakery. It was only 6 Rand, which is about 83 cents in U.S. dollars. But it still wasn’t worth it. Note to self: don’t waste time or resources on rock buns. Next we went to see Auntie P. Auntie P’s house is loud, as everyone in Parkside seems to think it is their second home. Auntie P’s kids Janie and Jaleel and some of their friends had a jam session and sang to Rebecka. I thought it was fun for a while, but also exhausting. Then we went to the grocery store. I purchased the necessaries for survival: unsliced bread, Nutella, cream buns, and all the materials for grilled cheese sandwiches. Fell asleep at 8:30.
Day 3: Went to see Iron Man 2: In which we are back to hating Soviets. All the camera movements used to make it seem like the fighting was semi-cool made me nauseous. Ate lunch at some restaurant where I got the Gooey Cheesy Bread (on the kids menu). The waitress laughed at me, but the joke is on her, because it was only R16, which is like two bucks, by the way. Then we went to Auntie P’s house again to have a Potjie (?). They wanted us to come at noon, even though the potjie was scheduled for 6:00, but we got there at four, which seemed like a really good idea. (It was.) Jaleel fed me some custard stuff for some special reason of his own (I suspect he thought I was lonely) (I also suspect I will be acting lonely all the time if it gets me custard). Auntie P fed us boorevorst in tomato and onion sauce. Rebeckaand I thought this was the potjie, and our tummies nearly cried when Auntie P said it was merely an appetizer. Also, boorevorst doesn’t taste as good as everyone in/from South Africa says it does. They are all liars. Jaleel talked to me all night, as he said that this night was my night, and the next time we came over he would only talk to Rebecka, even though he could handle both of us at once, because he is just that awesome. Then a thousand people came over. Then some people did some break dance, and some little girl beat up Brandon. I was worn out by six o’clock, but Auntie P warned me that the night was still young. It sounded awfully foreboding. I was right to be afraid. The potjie was ready at some point (I didn’t know the time as I was in a time warp), and I couldn’t eat it for the life of me. Not only was half of it curry (a food I have sworn off forever, even though everyone wants to make me eat it all the time), but also I was stuffed full with that “appetizer.” I pawned the meat off on Jaleel, and then gave the gravy Janie. Rebecka taught some kids how to swear in Swedish. I was crying with exhaustion. We still weren’t allowed to go home. Jaleel told me I reminded him of Bella Swan from Twilight. I have never been so offended in my life, and that’s counting the time that someone said I looked like Tom Hanks. We were finally allowed to go home. I have never been so happy.
Day 4: Got up early and went to church. On the way there a white boy got in the taxi with us. This was shocking, because white people never use taxis. You might be thinking, “but Heather, you are also white,” to which I reply “false.” Church was good. Rebecka got a speaking assignment for next week. Awesome. Brett made it home from Baptist service okay, not dead.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Day 93: 3rd Wave: (n) A group of people who sit on chairs, make actual food (other than 2 Minute Noodles), and shower an inordinate amount.
Day 91: Heather and Laurel’s bus broke down. They sat for an hour waiting for another. Conclusion: boy sitting behind them was stinky and annoying. And he was wearing an Eminem shirt.
Day 90: David and Heather taught the final business review lesson to the Ba Youth Group. The Ba Youth Group gave them some sweet carvings as a thank you gift for coming and teaching them all summer. It was Heather’s first time teaching the Ba Youth Group.
Day 89: “Tori and Natalie finally left, good riddance,” said Heather, as she choked back tears.
Day 87: Once again, the Monday night schools meeting did not happen.
Day 86: David, Ashley, and Heather returned from Taveuni to a house full of strangers, who all have their own inside jokes and friendships. Not okay, folks.
Day 57: Heather and Katy went to the pool at the Tavua Hotel. It was a lovely experience, marred only by the screaming children, the splashing children, and the drunks, reduced to acting like children. But seriously folks, if the author has to hear, “Can you come join us? Oh yeeeaaahhh [imagine the Kool-Aid Man®]!” or, “Let me teach you how to tie a sulu. Oh yeeeaaahhh!” or, “You’re from America? Utah? Oh yeeeaaahhh!” Katy has never been more creeped out…or tan.
Day 56: Ben, Dani, and Whitney went to Nadi, Heather and Katy went to Lautoka. Upon returning from Lautoka, Katy and Heather sat in the house and smelled the noxious smell of Mary Jane right outside their window. Never fear, Ratu, their gallant protector, came and sat with them, and then guarded the house from random Fijian men in the bushes while they slept. In other news, Heather and Katy love Ratu, and he has the biggest muscles in Fiji.
Day 55: We did some stuff, and some stuff got cancelled, so we didn’t do that stuff.
Friday is as Friday does. Ben, Dani, Katy, Whitney, and Heather splurged on New China and junk food. Forced Ben to watch Juno and make him uncomfortable. Whitney and Heather went to bed at 8:30. Ratu watched Hairspray with Ben, Katy, and Dani and laughed every time John Travolta came on screen. We love Ratu.
Day 54: Laurel allegedly stole 50 cents from Jafar, so Jafar chased Laurel and Natalie around, waited for them to teach a lesson, and then chased them some more. Then the Police got involved, the Gold Foundation got involved, and then Rachel remembered Laurel stole 50 cents from her, and began to chase Laurel around the house. Bre, Tori, and Natalie left for Mordor. Katy wanted Heather’s butt, which is understandable, as it is awesome.
Day 53: Heather went against everything she believes and exercised. Roger, Deanne, and Whitney arrived. Wanting to impress Roger, a member of HELP International’s Board of Directors, the HELP team had him come to the library tutoring, which is usually very busy and impressive. Only two girls showed up to be tutored. Needless to say, Heather and Katy (proactive and assertive Schools project leads) have been voted off the island. The tribe has spoken.
Day 52: While reading to the children in the Nasomo Kindergarten, Ben realized that the book the children gave him to read to them wasn’t a story at all, but an incredibly long, boring book on how the printing press works. Ben also realized the children couldn’t read, or understand English, so he used his quick thinking and improvised by telling the Joseph Smith story and turning the pages of the book appropriately. Way to go Ben. Colby found out that her one true love, Someli, is only 17, and that she is a pedophile. In her defense, Colby would like to state that Someli looks like he is 25. Whatever Colby. You’re just creepy. David and Ashley went to Nadi, and in their absence, the HELP volunteers had four incredibly productive and short meetings. The conclusion from these meetings is that David and Ashley are no longer needed, and the volunteers would like their share of the former Country Directors stipends.
Day 50: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, hired a private minibus transport thing to take them to Nadi from their accommodation. It was awesome. Everyone got 2-3 seats to themselves and a leg rest. However, their driver, always eager to make a quick buck, picked up 12 Australians, and the volunteers were pissed. Their own particular form of punishment was to pretend that they were an Evangelical Christian Singing group, and they treated those nasty, leg rest-stealing Australians to a nice round of Row Row Row Your Boat and a series of lies about our performances in Fiji and how we converted Rachel, a Jew, to Christianity. Then the Australians and David had a nice discussion about their favorite South Park episodes.
Day 49: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, went river rafting in the Upper Navua Gorge, or rather, the Grand Canyon of Fiji. It was beautiful. Team “We Don’t Lose/We Will Kill You” Wananavu (comprised of Bre, Ben, Dani, and Heather) won every single water fight, and Bre jumped ship and totally took out Katy. In other news, David, Ashley, Colby, and Rachel were total wusses.
Day 48: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, met up at Uprising Beach Resort. Heather made a new friend named Leena, who is from England, and a hardcore evolutionist. She thinks all Mormons are weird, no surprise there.
Day 47: Tori and Natalie left for Suva and everyone was sad, or so the author thinks. Then David and Ashley left for Suva and everyone was so excited they threw a party. The party was so wild, in fact, it ended with Rachel throwing up everything in the Universe and Heather, Laurel, Bre, and Ben, missing American brownies.
Day 91: Heather and Laurel’s bus broke down. They sat for an hour waiting for another. Conclusion: boy sitting behind them was stinky and annoying. And he was wearing an Eminem shirt.
Day 90: David and Heather taught the final business review lesson to the Ba Youth Group. The Ba Youth Group gave them some sweet carvings as a thank you gift for coming and teaching them all summer. It was Heather’s first time teaching the Ba Youth Group.
Day 89: “Tori and Natalie finally left, good riddance,” said Heather, as she choked back tears.
Day 87: Once again, the Monday night schools meeting did not happen.
Day 86: David, Ashley, and Heather returned from Taveuni to a house full of strangers, who all have their own inside jokes and friendships. Not okay, folks.
Day 57: Heather and Katy went to the pool at the Tavua Hotel. It was a lovely experience, marred only by the screaming children, the splashing children, and the drunks, reduced to acting like children. But seriously folks, if the author has to hear, “Can you come join us? Oh yeeeaaahhh [imagine the Kool-Aid Man®]!” or, “Let me teach you how to tie a sulu. Oh yeeeaaahhh!” or, “You’re from America? Utah? Oh yeeeaaahhh!” Katy has never been more creeped out…or tan.
Day 56: Ben, Dani, and Whitney went to Nadi, Heather and Katy went to Lautoka. Upon returning from Lautoka, Katy and Heather sat in the house and smelled the noxious smell of Mary Jane right outside their window. Never fear, Ratu, their gallant protector, came and sat with them, and then guarded the house from random Fijian men in the bushes while they slept. In other news, Heather and Katy love Ratu, and he has the biggest muscles in Fiji.
Day 55: We did some stuff, and some stuff got cancelled, so we didn’t do that stuff.
Friday is as Friday does. Ben, Dani, Katy, Whitney, and Heather splurged on New China and junk food. Forced Ben to watch Juno and make him uncomfortable. Whitney and Heather went to bed at 8:30. Ratu watched Hairspray with Ben, Katy, and Dani and laughed every time John Travolta came on screen. We love Ratu.
Day 54: Laurel allegedly stole 50 cents from Jafar, so Jafar chased Laurel and Natalie around, waited for them to teach a lesson, and then chased them some more. Then the Police got involved, the Gold Foundation got involved, and then Rachel remembered Laurel stole 50 cents from her, and began to chase Laurel around the house. Bre, Tori, and Natalie left for Mordor. Katy wanted Heather’s butt, which is understandable, as it is awesome.
Day 53: Heather went against everything she believes and exercised. Roger, Deanne, and Whitney arrived. Wanting to impress Roger, a member of HELP International’s Board of Directors, the HELP team had him come to the library tutoring, which is usually very busy and impressive. Only two girls showed up to be tutored. Needless to say, Heather and Katy (proactive and assertive Schools project leads) have been voted off the island. The tribe has spoken.
Day 52: While reading to the children in the Nasomo Kindergarten, Ben realized that the book the children gave him to read to them wasn’t a story at all, but an incredibly long, boring book on how the printing press works. Ben also realized the children couldn’t read, or understand English, so he used his quick thinking and improvised by telling the Joseph Smith story and turning the pages of the book appropriately. Way to go Ben. Colby found out that her one true love, Someli, is only 17, and that she is a pedophile. In her defense, Colby would like to state that Someli looks like he is 25. Whatever Colby. You’re just creepy. David and Ashley went to Nadi, and in their absence, the HELP volunteers had four incredibly productive and short meetings. The conclusion from these meetings is that David and Ashley are no longer needed, and the volunteers would like their share of the former Country Directors stipends.
Day 50: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, hired a private minibus transport thing to take them to Nadi from their accommodation. It was awesome. Everyone got 2-3 seats to themselves and a leg rest. However, their driver, always eager to make a quick buck, picked up 12 Australians, and the volunteers were pissed. Their own particular form of punishment was to pretend that they were an Evangelical Christian Singing group, and they treated those nasty, leg rest-stealing Australians to a nice round of Row Row Row Your Boat and a series of lies about our performances in Fiji and how we converted Rachel, a Jew, to Christianity. Then the Australians and David had a nice discussion about their favorite South Park episodes.
Day 49: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, went river rafting in the Upper Navua Gorge, or rather, the Grand Canyon of Fiji. It was beautiful. Team “We Don’t Lose/We Will Kill You” Wananavu (comprised of Bre, Ben, Dani, and Heather) won every single water fight, and Bre jumped ship and totally took out Katy. In other news, David, Ashley, Colby, and Rachel were total wusses.
Day 48: The volunteers, minus Tori and Natalie, met up at Uprising Beach Resort. Heather made a new friend named Leena, who is from England, and a hardcore evolutionist. She thinks all Mormons are weird, no surprise there.
Day 47: Tori and Natalie left for Suva and everyone was sad, or so the author thinks. Then David and Ashley left for Suva and everyone was so excited they threw a party. The party was so wild, in fact, it ended with Rachel throwing up everything in the Universe and Heather, Laurel, Bre, and Ben, missing American brownies.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Days 21-41. Start from the bottom
Day 41: The Headmaster at the Yaladro School totally lied to the schools team, but that is okay, because they didn’t even care, so there. Also, Margas, Pipey, and Libbies all went to Lautoka and bought sweet pants, and then made everyone listen to their favorite song and feel awkward doing it. Margas has never been more pleased with herself. In other news: Libbies had so many tears on her face, and everyone ignored Pipey, but don’t worry, because they soothed themselves with Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Day 30: Ashley and David got free breakfast. Bre, Kirsten, and Paige got $46.00 breakfast. Heather got stolen breakfast, and she has never been happier. Heather took an hour long shower. Hair washed: 3 times; body washed: 2 times; face washed: 2 times; washed behind her ears: 1 time.
There was more ocean swimming and poolside sleeping. There was also a game of volleyball that was played. Final score: HELP volunteers—2; Sheraton Staff—8,000,000.
Day 29: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, Ashley, David, and Heather woke up at 5:00 (a.m.) so as to be ready for their transport at 5:15 (again, a.m.). They left Tavua at 5:45 (also a.m.) as the transport they hired the day before never showed up. Needless to say that (fill in with name of volunteer of your choice) was really annoyed.
Anyway, Kirsten and Paige took a mental picture of the most adorable thing ever: David, Ashley, and Bre were all sleeping contentedly whilst being surrounded by Heather’s loving arms as all were driven to Lautoka.
A lot of other stuff happened on Day 29 and it all centers around snorkeling, kayaking, and sleeping by pools.
More importantly, as our six volunteers were on a boat, they discovered that they all looked like models. Kirsten and Paige: PacSun; Ashley: Nautica; David: Armani; Heather: Ralph Lauren; Random Brooding Guy: Hollister; Bre: a blow up swimming pool box picture.
Day 28: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, David, Ashley, and Heather talked about their moms for 7 hrs. Conclusion: they like their moms. Maybe even love. We’ll see.
Day 27:
• No one really got going until 9:30, or at least, one group got going at 9:30, while the other group dilly-dallied until 10:30, which, for some reason, is really embarrassing.
• David insulted his host by calling him a liar.
• David awkwardly played footsie with Heather and Natalie at lunch.
• Heather and Bre talked about different kinds of ice-cream for half an hour.
• Action Item: David needs to get married.
• Some of our volunteers went to a FRIEND training, where nothing amusing happened, or at least, the author wasn’t told that anything amusing happened. Or at least, the author was told, but the telling wasn’t memorable, and the author doesn’t remember anything amusing happing. Author suggests that stories be told more memorable if anyone wants their experiences blogged about.
• David needs to learn three words: T-R-Y, try.
• Ashley drank six bowls of Kava.
• David got called out on daydreaming.
• David had a really eventful day.
Other things of note on Day 27: we met a crazy guy in Bangladesh, who said something along the lines of this, “It is important to budget your money. You see, these people get 5 dollars a day and they buy beer and cigarettes with it so they only get 40 dollars a month. I read a lot of books, I like to learn a lot of things. I used to work on a farm, so you see, I know how to budget. You people are like a finger hitting a stone, if you try to hard, your finger will break, but the stone? It does not break.”
David: “Is there a way we can roll the stone? Or move it?”
Strange man: “No.”
Anyway, this might not seem very ridiculous to the average reader, but you must understand, this old man trapped us in his living and made us listen to him ramble and verbally abuse all the women in the house for an hour or two. Also, the author thinks that he tried to convert the HELP representatives in his house to being Jehovah’s Witnesses. Don’t worry, they deflected.
Day 25: David, Kirsten, Paige, and Heather went to Ba to do Personal Finance training with FRIEND. Personal Finance training included talking about our families income and expenses, having a morning tea (which did not have any tea, the author would like you to know), throwing tennis balls at the faces of nice old ladies, learning that Russia and eastern Europe are communist countries, and that Suva is not Fiji…huh?...yeah?...alright?...yeah.
Nate and Cami taught a gardening lesson in Nabuna, and did not teach gardening in Tavua Levu.
Ashley, David, and Heather went to the Gold Foundation where they do not give loans, no sir. They give handouts.
Day 24: Absolutely nothing going on. Wasting all our time and your money. Example: me, writing a blog.
Day 23: borrowed a neighbor’s oven and baked a cake. Watched two movies. The Universe is balanced, however, we also had a two-and-a-half hour meeting.
Day 22: Slept in. David and Ashley sat at the house waiting for somebody or something to show up. Results: inconclusive. Rest of the team went on a “hike,” which was more like a physically strenuous Jungle Cruise™ than anything (minus the plastic animals, boat, and expensive Disneyland ticket. Not minus the quiet desperation and sad sarcasm of those who really don’t want to be there) (this is where you make the connection between Jungle Cruise™ Guides and Heather). The “hike” was supposed to be to a waterfall, but the crew abandoned ship in uncharted waters and swam in the readily available and inviting river. Reasons for quitting: 1) we are pussy Americans and there was no actual trail, 2) giant boulders upon which we were climbing were hot and jagged and the other mode of transportation (river) was full of large rocks and swimming upstream is no picnic (it is, in fact, a lot like swimming upstream), 3) doubting the existence of said “waterfall.”
After returning home, the team participated in bonding activities that were games at best, pagan rituals at worst. Really, just witness “The Foot Game” or “Bunny Bunny.” Heather, Sara, Bre, and Natalie would like to note that New China Restaurant provided their dinner, and it was their favorite thus far. They highly suggest the sweet and sour chicken.
Day 21: Fijian holiday, and no one wanted to talk to us, so we went to a rugby tournament rather than have our feelings hurt. Nothing really happened at the rugby tournament except our boys from Korovo continuously not losing, so we went home. By home, the author of course means the Tavua Hotel where the team found dinner. If the team had returned to their home home they would have found thieves. As it was, the team returned home an hour or so after the thieves had left, so they couldn’t find four computers, iPod speakers, DVDs, and an iFlip.
Day 30: Ashley and David got free breakfast. Bre, Kirsten, and Paige got $46.00 breakfast. Heather got stolen breakfast, and she has never been happier. Heather took an hour long shower. Hair washed: 3 times; body washed: 2 times; face washed: 2 times; washed behind her ears: 1 time.
There was more ocean swimming and poolside sleeping. There was also a game of volleyball that was played. Final score: HELP volunteers—2; Sheraton Staff—8,000,000.
Day 29: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, Ashley, David, and Heather woke up at 5:00 (a.m.) so as to be ready for their transport at 5:15 (again, a.m.). They left Tavua at 5:45 (also a.m.) as the transport they hired the day before never showed up. Needless to say that (fill in with name of volunteer of your choice) was really annoyed.
Anyway, Kirsten and Paige took a mental picture of the most adorable thing ever: David, Ashley, and Bre were all sleeping contentedly whilst being surrounded by Heather’s loving arms as all were driven to Lautoka.
A lot of other stuff happened on Day 29 and it all centers around snorkeling, kayaking, and sleeping by pools.
More importantly, as our six volunteers were on a boat, they discovered that they all looked like models. Kirsten and Paige: PacSun; Ashley: Nautica; David: Armani; Heather: Ralph Lauren; Random Brooding Guy: Hollister; Bre: a blow up swimming pool box picture.
Day 28: Bre, Kirsten, Paige, David, Ashley, and Heather talked about their moms for 7 hrs. Conclusion: they like their moms. Maybe even love. We’ll see.
Day 27:
• No one really got going until 9:30, or at least, one group got going at 9:30, while the other group dilly-dallied until 10:30, which, for some reason, is really embarrassing.
• David insulted his host by calling him a liar.
• David awkwardly played footsie with Heather and Natalie at lunch.
• Heather and Bre talked about different kinds of ice-cream for half an hour.
• Action Item: David needs to get married.
• Some of our volunteers went to a FRIEND training, where nothing amusing happened, or at least, the author wasn’t told that anything amusing happened. Or at least, the author was told, but the telling wasn’t memorable, and the author doesn’t remember anything amusing happing. Author suggests that stories be told more memorable if anyone wants their experiences blogged about.
• David needs to learn three words: T-R-Y, try.
• Ashley drank six bowls of Kava.
• David got called out on daydreaming.
• David had a really eventful day.
Other things of note on Day 27: we met a crazy guy in Bangladesh, who said something along the lines of this, “It is important to budget your money. You see, these people get 5 dollars a day and they buy beer and cigarettes with it so they only get 40 dollars a month. I read a lot of books, I like to learn a lot of things. I used to work on a farm, so you see, I know how to budget. You people are like a finger hitting a stone, if you try to hard, your finger will break, but the stone? It does not break.”
David: “Is there a way we can roll the stone? Or move it?”
Strange man: “No.”
Anyway, this might not seem very ridiculous to the average reader, but you must understand, this old man trapped us in his living and made us listen to him ramble and verbally abuse all the women in the house for an hour or two. Also, the author thinks that he tried to convert the HELP representatives in his house to being Jehovah’s Witnesses. Don’t worry, they deflected.
Day 25: David, Kirsten, Paige, and Heather went to Ba to do Personal Finance training with FRIEND. Personal Finance training included talking about our families income and expenses, having a morning tea (which did not have any tea, the author would like you to know), throwing tennis balls at the faces of nice old ladies, learning that Russia and eastern Europe are communist countries, and that Suva is not Fiji…huh?...yeah?...alright?...yeah.
Nate and Cami taught a gardening lesson in Nabuna, and did not teach gardening in Tavua Levu.
Ashley, David, and Heather went to the Gold Foundation where they do not give loans, no sir. They give handouts.
Day 24: Absolutely nothing going on. Wasting all our time and your money. Example: me, writing a blog.
Day 23: borrowed a neighbor’s oven and baked a cake. Watched two movies. The Universe is balanced, however, we also had a two-and-a-half hour meeting.
Day 22: Slept in. David and Ashley sat at the house waiting for somebody or something to show up. Results: inconclusive. Rest of the team went on a “hike,” which was more like a physically strenuous Jungle Cruise™ than anything (minus the plastic animals, boat, and expensive Disneyland ticket. Not minus the quiet desperation and sad sarcasm of those who really don’t want to be there) (this is where you make the connection between Jungle Cruise™ Guides and Heather). The “hike” was supposed to be to a waterfall, but the crew abandoned ship in uncharted waters and swam in the readily available and inviting river. Reasons for quitting: 1) we are pussy Americans and there was no actual trail, 2) giant boulders upon which we were climbing were hot and jagged and the other mode of transportation (river) was full of large rocks and swimming upstream is no picnic (it is, in fact, a lot like swimming upstream), 3) doubting the existence of said “waterfall.”
After returning home, the team participated in bonding activities that were games at best, pagan rituals at worst. Really, just witness “The Foot Game” or “Bunny Bunny.” Heather, Sara, Bre, and Natalie would like to note that New China Restaurant provided their dinner, and it was their favorite thus far. They highly suggest the sweet and sour chicken.
Day 21: Fijian holiday, and no one wanted to talk to us, so we went to a rugby tournament rather than have our feelings hurt. Nothing really happened at the rugby tournament except our boys from Korovo continuously not losing, so we went home. By home, the author of course means the Tavua Hotel where the team found dinner. If the team had returned to their home home they would have found thieves. As it was, the team returned home an hour or so after the thieves had left, so they couldn’t find four computers, iPod speakers, DVDs, and an iFlip.
Friday, May 29, 2009
First Fiji Update
Okay Kirsta, I'm updating my blog for you, but there are no pictures because I haven't put them on a computer, and even if I had, I still wouldn't have them, as all the computers have been stolen. Actually, I don't anticipate having any pictures to show until I get back at this point. Internet cafe's are too expensive and slow for uploading pictures.
Anyway, since I've been here I have planted some gardens, built some stoves out of adobe, taught some health lessons, and eaten a lot of curry (decision: curry--not so good). Last week the group went to Suva to a YSA dance, which was meh, and saw Angel's and Demon's, which was meh. Then we went to a beach resort called Uprising for super cheap because of awesome connections, and that was really fun. However, I do not suggest getting the massage there, because it was dumb, and I got eaten alive by mosquitos. I think I learned my lesson.
I might start interning with an NGO, which is a women's crisis center, so I'm pretty excited about that.
Peace.
Anyway, since I've been here I have planted some gardens, built some stoves out of adobe, taught some health lessons, and eaten a lot of curry (decision: curry--not so good). Last week the group went to Suva to a YSA dance, which was meh, and saw Angel's and Demon's, which was meh. Then we went to a beach resort called Uprising for super cheap because of awesome connections, and that was really fun. However, I do not suggest getting the massage there, because it was dumb, and I got eaten alive by mosquitos. I think I learned my lesson.
I might start interning with an NGO, which is a women's crisis center, so I'm pretty excited about that.
Peace.
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